Are you a homeschooling family? Did you know I have a blog dedicated entirely to homeschooling?
One of the latest posts I created there was a review of Marie's Words vocabulary cards. Head over there for great homeschooling information and to see some video clips of our homeschool!
“Come sit here close to me,” I said as I motioned my daughter to my side and snuggled her up tightly. “Want to tell me what's the matter?”
“I just feel overwhelmed,” she replied, adding a little fling of her arms for emphasis. (Someone's a little bit too much like her mother.) “It just seems like nobody likes me,” she continued. “And I hate having to clean my room all the time. And my brothers are always so mean to me.”
(This is our girl who struggles with big emotions if you couldn't tell.)
“Hmm, let's think about this for a few minutes, shall we?” I encouraged her. “You're sure that nobody likes you? And you really have to clean your room all the time? And your brothers are always mean to you? I bet you could think of someone who likes you. Let's try, shall we? Does mommy like you?”
“Yes.”
“Does Daddy like you?”
“Yes.”
“Does Grandma like you?”
“Yes.”
And thus we continued, adding more and more people to the list.
“And what are some things you've done today besides clean your room?”
“Well, I played the piano some. And I ate my breakfast. And I played with my sister.”
Once again the list of good things began to grow.
“What about your brothers being mean to you? Have they done one nice thing for you today?”
“I can't think of anything.”
“Well, I'll tell you what. Let's get a piece of paper and pen. You carry it with you today, and every time someone does something nice for you, I want you to make a tally mark on your paper. You might be surprised to find out that your brothers are actually nice to you much more often than you realized.”
Now, those may seem like childish emotions to have, and we adults would never be so emotional over such trivial things…or would we?
What about those times when I throw up my hands in frustration because “I can't ever keep this laundry done! Every time I think I'm keeping up with it I find perfectly clean clothes the kids have thrown in the hamper and now have to be rewashed because they were in with the dirty clothes!” (Then I take a big, gasping breath because I just blurted out that really long sentence without even breathing.)
Oh, really? Every time, huh?
Or what about those other times when a child draws on the wall, and I mutter, “I can never have anything nice around here. Everybody ruins everything I own.”
Mmm hmm. You don't have one nice thing in this entire house. Every single thing you own is a rag.
Can you relate? Do your children sound the way mine do? Does your own voice sound the way mine does many times?
Do you know what creates an unhappy, turbulent home life?
It's when the members of that family focus on the negative.*
*Important note: sometimes the truth is that your home life is unhappy and turbulent because of someone else's unkind and callous behavior. To acknowledge that is not “focusing on the negative”; it's being honest about the situation. If you are unsure whether you are experiencing destructive behavior from your spouse, check out this post about the differences between difficult, disappointing, and destructive marriages.
In this post, I am speaking to people who are in homes where there is mutual respect and kindness and where others are not contributing to your distress.
When we allow our thoughts to dwell on every single thing that we don't like, our attitudes can become nasty. Pretty soon all of the negative emotions that we are dwelling upon start to come out. The words we speak to each other start to become critical and sharp. Our home becomes filled with whining and arguing, bickering and badgering when the various members are looking for things to complain about.
We can focus on what is true. We can think about good things. We can make a habit of dwelling on the lovely.
The Bible tells us that part of the fruit of the spirit is joy and peace. But in order to be filled with the spirit, we must be filled with the Word of God.
Romans 7:25 tells us that way we do what is right is through the mind. We also find in Romans 12:2 that the way we are transformed into Christ's image is through the renewing of our mind.
I want to cultivate a habit of thinking on things that are true and good. (See also: How to Remain Calm When Your Kids Make You Upset.)
I want that for my family too.
If I want my children to think on those things, I must help them create those habits starting right now.
I decided that Philippians 4:8 was going to become our “family verse” for the next while (however long it takes before we all start to see significant growth in this area.)
There's no better guideline for choosing what to set our thoughts upon than a verse that says THINK ON THESE THINGS.
I created this printable wall art of Philippians 4:8 and hung it up in our kitchen so that we would see it and be reminded of it constantly.
(If you'd like your own copy of this scripture art, you can download it immediately using the form below.)
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Valentine's Day is coming up SOON!
I try to make Valentines for my kids to give out that have a Bible verse or other scriptural theme.
This year I've come up with these Bible Verse Valentines that feature Proverbs 17:17
What you'll need:
Other Valentine printables:
So, what you get is:
Find out more. or Buy the classic plan now for $40, get the done for you plan FREE! (This is for a full YEAR's worth of menus!)
This sale is only going for a few more days. After that the service goes back up to full price and the Done For You plans are NOT included.
I hurriedly made my bed this morning, wishing there were more hours in the day.
Just a few minutes earlier, my five year old had asked me if I would teach him how to play the piano. I let out a longing sigh, wishing that it were possible for me to drop everything I was doing and go spend some time at the piano with my boy.
But I knew that wasn’t the thing that needed to be done at the moment.
For every homemaker, there’s a constant question of when to spend one’s time maintaining a clean and pleasant environment and when to forget about the to-do list and give undivided attention to the people who live in that environment.
Unfortunately, after we’ve made our decision, there’s usually a nagging in the back our mind as to whether or not we made the right one. If we spend our time cleaning, we feel guilty for not giving more one-on-one attention to our kids. If we spend our time playing with or reading to the kids, we feel guilty that some of the housework is left undone.
No matter how beautiful and clean one’s house is, and no matter how much loving attention one’s family receives, none of us will ever be a perfect homemaker.
We can make every effort known to man to improve our skills and to manage our time better, but the twenty-four hours allotted to each day will still never be enough to attain perfection in all areas of homemaking.
But as I made my bed this morning, frustrated by those limitations of time, I realized that I actually do know a perfect homemaker.
And that homemaker is not even a woman – not even a human actually. That’s what makes him so perfect.
The perfect homemaker is God.
Right now he is preparing a perfect home for his children.
He is not limited in time or resources. He possesses all the time necessary for maintaining a home of infinite beauty and order, while simultaneously giving his children unlimited love and attention.
I’ll admit that this analogy of God as a homemaker seemed a little cheesy at first, but the more I thought about it, the more encouraged I became in my own role as a homemaker.
I need not succumb to irritation at the limitations of the time-bound, sin-cursed earth on which I live. The impossibility of ever attaining perfection as a homemaker instead makes me turn my attention to my eternal home!
Just think! A home with no dirt on the floor, no legos to step on, and unlimited time to spend with the ones we love!
The reality of imperfect homemaking gives us endless opportunities to focus on the eternal and to teach our children to do the same.
When you are confronted with dirt, disorder, and a clock that moves far too quickly, remember the perfect home that awaits you some day.
Let’s get a fresh perspective of homemaking. Homemaking was never about “doing it all”. Homemaking is about creating an environment where CHRIST is the center of all that is done and said. And what better opportunity to turn the attention of our family onto things above than when we're confronted with reminders that this world is not our home?
You may also like:
Letting go of Homemaker's Guilt
To the Weary Mom: Here's why the Bad Days are Really the Best Days
Maybe I'm weird (don't feel a need to voice your opinion on that), but I have a hard time getting to the deeper cleaning in my house.
As I've read books about cleaning, I've figured out that it's most likely because I'm a perfectionist.
The reason perfectionists are often messier is because we (okay, I'm owning up to it) don't like to do a job unless we have time to do it perfectly.
The people with really clean houses are the people who are okay with “good enough”. They don't have time to scrub the bathroom top to bottom everyday, so they're okay with wiping out the sink really quickly.
Perfectionists, on the other hand, look around the bathroom and say, “Ugh! It's so dirty in here! I have got to get in here and scrub it!” And then we walk out, waiting to clean anything until we have half an hour free to polish every nook and cranny.
So when it comes to deep cleaning, I have a very hard time ever getting to things like dusting cobwebs, washing windows, or cleaning the oven (actually, let's not even talk about the oven. I don't have any idea when the last time I cleaned the oven was.)
I can't stand to clean the oven when the rest of the kitchen is dirty. But because lots of people live here, and most of us are home all day every day, there are always random dishes to be done. There are always crumbs on the floor that I just swept. So I can't ever do something extra because the regular stuff is never done.
I'm crazy either way. If the regular stuff is not done, I feel crazy. If the bigger stuff sits there and sits there and sits there, taunting me, I feel crazy too.
I love to mow the lawn because it's one thing I can do that actually feels finished when I'm done. When I walk outside, I can actually see that, “Hey! I did something!” I get to enjoy the results of my efforts for at least a week!
So, knowing my propensity toward perfectionism, and knowing just how badly I need that visual sense of accomplishment, I knew I needed more of those type of experiences. I needed to be able to do a job and visually see that it was done, even if it became undone the very second I finished.
One of my Facebook friends recently linked to the Motivated Moms planner, and I took a peek at it. I immediately thought, “Gasp! That's exactly what I need!”
It tells me exactly what to do, every single day of the year, and I get to check the box off and tell myself, “This job is done! Good job!”
Here's what one week looks like:
(Note: yes, that picture shows 2017, and no, this planner is not outdated. The company is still going strong and has both printable planners for the current year as well as an app – whatever works best for you!)
On the left side, I have all the daily basics. (You know, those things that are never done? Thanks to those handy little check boxes, if I've done them once, they are considered done, and I have visual proof that they're done. )
On the right side, there are a few of the deeper cleaning chores listed for each day. It's enough to get the entire house cleaned from top to bottom every week, and once again, I can see that it's done. So even if my eyes can't enjoy the sight of the actually clean house for very long, I can still enjoy the visual sense of accomplishment by having a record of all the work I've done.
Check out the Motivated Moms printables and app right here.
(affiliate link)
You could technically make something like this yourself for free too, if money is tight. I did when I was first married. I walked through every room in my house and made a list of every single chore that would ever need to be done and how often it needed to be done. Then I took a calendar and wrote down each chore on every single day of the year. If something needed to be done quarterly, I put it on the calendar once every three months, and so forth.
It took a long time, y'all! But it can be done, if that's what you're determined to do.
Over time, as kids came along, things got topsy turvy and that calendar got lost in the shuffle.
But I'm excited to try this system again and see if I can finally get to some of those other jobs that have been bothering me for too long!