To the Weary Mom: Here’s Why the Bad Days are Really the Best Days

“Ugh. I'm not feeling so well today and there's a ton of housework to be done. I'm so glad we have video homeschool. I'll get the kids occupied with that while I try to whiz through the housework.”

Those were the thoughts that went through my mind as I got up and going for the day.

But, as seems to be the case nine days out of ten, things didn't go exactly as I'd planned.

No. Things didn't go at all how I'd planned.

Just a few minutes after I got the video school going, one of the kids showed up in my room.

“What are you doing? You're supposed to be watching Bible class.”
“It's not working.”
“What do you mean it's not working? I just turned it on a few minutes ago and it was working fine.”
“The screen is black.”

When I went to check to see what was wrong, I found that, sure enough the screen was black. Someone had turned the computer completely off and had decided to plug other items into the computer's outlet. In the process they had tripped the breaker. When I turned the breaker back on, there was no power to the computer. The monitor and printer were working, but the computer wouldn't power up. I called everyone I could think of to help me figure out the problem, but no one could help me.

I was left with a messy house and children who could not do their schooling for the day.

I decided to make the best of it and put the children to work. Ha! That went over like a lead balloon.

No one seemed to be in the mood for housework, and every time I went to prod one child along, another child would create another disaster in a different area of the house. At one point, the baby started crying, and someone carried her to my room and deposited her on my bed (which has a brand new comforter on it). She was covered with peanut butter.

I grabbed her off the bed and started cleaning the peanut butter from her hands and face. Thankfully a baby wipe did a pretty good job of getting it off the comforter too.

I went into the bathroom to check on the child who was supposed to be cleaning it.

Instead of finding the job nearly done, as should have been the case, I found the bathroom floor littered with pieces of toilet paper, soap squirted all over the floor, tub, and sink, and the water running full blast. This wasn't a matter of a child who didn't know how to do the job; this was a matter of a child who decided that experimenting would be more fun than cleaning. And boy, was he hard at work with his experiment!

The events I have recounted are but a small portion of the actual events that took place. There were more. Lots more. And it seemed that the harder I tried to redeem the situation, the worse things got.

One of my children kept saying “This is such a bad day!”

But over and over I kept thinking to myself, “This is not a bad day! This is a good day! These hard days are the best days!”

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't enjoy broken computers or peanut butter stains or dirty bathrooms or whining children any more than you do.

I'd really rather my days go as smoothly as I envision them in my head.

So why do I think the bad days are really the best days?

Bad days provide opportunities to teach my children at a deeper level.

I'm not talking about the opportunity to teach them that we don't unplug the computer (though that definitely wouldn't hurt!) I'm talking about the opportunity to teach them that God knows what's best for us even when we can't understand what's going on. I'm talking about teaching them that joy is a choice and not a feeling.

It's one thing to tell your children these things; it's another thing entirely to live it in front of them. Just a couple nights ago they asked me to tell them the story of Job. So I gave a synopsis of the story along with the application that Job trusted God even when he didn't understand why all those things were happening to him, and we ought to always trust God even when we don't understand what's happening too.

When everybody was complaining about this being such a “bad day”, I was then able to say, “Remember Job? Now we need to practice what we talked about the other night. We need to trust that God knows all about our day and that he knows why these things are happening.” I could remind them of Philippians 4:4, “Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.” God doesn't tell us to rejoice when things are going well; He says to rejoice always. We can only do that by making a conscious choice to do that, and that bad days provide a perfect opportunity for me to help my kids learn how to make that choice.

Bad days sanctify me.

Patience. I sure need a good dose of it on those days that disaster strikes every time I turn around. And God says to “…let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (James 1:4)

Patience does a perfecting work. I learn to become more gentle, loving, and kind when my natural reaction would be to blow up in frustration. I learn to focus my attention on the eternal instead of being concerned only about the here and now.

Pressure causes all the ugliness in my heart to bubble up to the surface. Instead of using that as an excuse to let my feelings fly, I can use it as an opportunity to recognize the ugliness for what it is – sin, wretched sin, that does not belong in my life. And I can allow the Holy Spirit to scrape that ugly froth right off the top of my cup and to refill my cup with love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Bad days help me remember to depend on Jesus.

I have this terrible habit of forgetting that I didn't give myself the ability to clean house, or take care of children, or even to breathe.

For some reason the fact that I wouldn't even be alive apart from God seems to slip my mind when everything is smooth sailing. So every once in a while God roughs up the waters a bit to give me a little reminder.

I can't do this mothering thing on my own. I don't have the strength to get such a monumental amount of work done every day. I don't have the wisdom to train children up for the Lord. I can't do anything!

My strength comes from remembering my weakness and fully depending on the unfailing strength of God. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (II Corinthians 12:9)

If it takes a bad day to help me be weak in order that I may be truly strong, I'm willing!

No friends, the bad days aren't fun, but they're good.

Five, ten, or fifty years from now, there will be no lasting value in whether or not I manged to get my house clean on “those days”. But the value in raising children who know how to follow God's Word because they got to see their mama living it out in front of them; the richness of becoming more like my perfect Savior, and the beauty of living in his strength instead of wallowing in my own weakness is absolutely priceless.

I'd say the days that give me priceless gifts are the best days.

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The Thing Our Children Really Need

There I stood at the kitchen sink,  scrubbing dishes as quickly as I could. Behind me the children were carrying out my instructions: “You, bring me the dishes from the table. You, sweep the floor. You, put this dirty towel in the laundry room…and shut the door!”

I was in no mood for nonsense. We needed to work quickly and I was doing my best to speak in my “I really mean this” voice without actually sounding mean or grouchy.

I don't remember what happened. Someone swung the broom handle around a little too enthusiastically and bumped her, or someone grabbed the dish off the table that she wanted to carry over to the sink, or she got overwhelmed that the job was too hard. It could have been any of them…and honestly this basic scenario has played out many, many times in our household. But whatever it was, it made her upset. Very loudly upset. Yes, a certain 5-year-old in our family tends to act like, well…like she's 5. (Imagine that!)

Taking the time and effort to gently help her think rationally through the situation was not on my agenda at the moment. I really just wanted to tell her to get over it and move on with her life – in more 5-year-old terms, though. Something like, “That's enough. You're fine. Get back to work.”

But before the words could escape my lips, the Holy Spirit of God spoke to me. (Yes, He speaks to me right there at my kitchen sink!) It wasn't in an audible voice, of course, but as swiftly as a whipping blast of wind yet as gently as a whispering breeze, He brought to remembrance a portion of His eternal Word, which is alive, powerful, and applicable to even the smallest aspects of my life.

…But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness…

Gentleness.

Oh, Lord. To be a spirit-filled mama, I must display gentleness to my children.

Even when I need –no, when I want – this kitchen cleaned up in a hurry. My little girl doesn't need me to be unkind and unsympathetic. She needs me to be gentle. Because that's how Jesus wants me to treat her.

I dried my soapy hands and knelt down beside her. I looked deeply into her eyes, gave her shoulders a soft squeeze and said simply. “I'm sorry.” Immediately her crying stopped. She seemed almost incredulous that her no-nonsense mama had just told her she was sorry she got bumped with the broom.

She quickly recovered from her unfortunate incident and was ready to get back to work. I realized then and there that I can be no-nonsense with my children and still be a gentle mama.

 I must be a gentle mama.

If I'm not a gentle mama, I am displaying a lack of spirit-control.

Since that day, I've tried to be aware of times when I must make a choice between being gruff and grumpy or being kind and gentle.

And I've found that under the control of the Holy Spirit, I can respond to the 47^th call of “I'm dooone!” from the bathroom with a smile and a pleasant demeanor instead of an irritated, “Okay! I'm coming!”

I've found that I can respond to spilled milk with “It's okay. Let's clean it up together!” instead of “Seriously?! Why did you set your cup so close to the edge of the table?”

I've found that I can respond to a child's disobedience with an awareness of my own flawed nature and an understanding of the amazing grace and forgiveness God has given me. And I can show forth an attitude of gentleness instead of exhibiting frustration at the child's failure.

Gentleness doesn't mean I excuse my children's misbehavior, nor does it change the expectations I have for them.

But gentleness shows them God's goodness.  It shows them that God loves them for who they are, not for what they do.

How can I help my children be attracted to the God who loves them so much? By allowing them to see his gentleness and kindness reflected in me.

(Romans 2:4) The goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance – not the firm, unrelenting, perfection-expecting hand of God.

 (Joel 2:13) …turn unto the LORD your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness —  not unforgiving and impatient.

There are plenty of times I feel justified in not being so gentle.
You know, like the time I find that a child has not cleaned the toilet seat after they made a mess and then I sit in it. Or that other time when I walk into the bathroom barefoot and step in something wet next to the toilet. Or that other time when someone sits on my lap…and gets my clothes wet. (Yes, I didn't realize before motherhood that I would come in contact with bodily fluids multiple times a day. I thought that would be over once the kids were potty trained, but I think it happens more often now!)

There's just something about those things happening to me that ever so slightly irritates me. (Written with a sickly smile.)

But walking in the Spirit allows me to do things that do not come natural to my flesh.

Instead of huffing and puffing that I just stepped in pee, I have the power to gently remind a child to clean up after himself in the bathroom (or to try to aim a little better in the first place!)

Instead of letting my child know how I feel about the fact that we are running late because he irresponsibly misplaced a shoe, I have the power to extend grace, remember that he's a child, and simply help him look for the shoe.

Do you know what causes me not to be gentle?

Looking out for number one.

Think about it:

• I get snappy because things aren't going according to my plan
• I speak roughly because pee is gross and I don't like it.
• I get irritated because I am being inconvenienced.

Let me fill you in on a little something.

Motherhood is not convenient.

But that doesn't change what the Bible says:

Philippians 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Mothers, I urge you to walk in the spirit and not according to the desires of your own flesh.  Through the power of the Spirit, we can be like Christ.  We can set aside the thoughts of how we want things to go and turn our focus instead to the needs of others.

And that thing our children need?  It's gentleness, mamas.

Gentleness.

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Diaper Bag Essentials for Toddlers

This is a sponsored post written by me on behalf of Huggies®. All opinions are 100% mine.

New parents often go to great lengths to make sure they're ready with all the diaper bag essentials for their newborn.

But as they become comfortable with their routine, they sometimes forget that the routine has to change a little as their child grows!

I can't count how many times I've had to rescue a mom from a messy situation because she wasn't prepared with what she needed in her diaper bag. Don't be the mom who's not prepared!

Have these diaper bag essentials packed and ready for your toddler!

1. Diapers

Of course, what good would a diaper bag be without diapers? When you have an active toddler, you want to make sure you have high-quality diapers that are going to be comfortable for long periods of time.

We got Huggies® Snug & Dry Ultra Diapers at Walmart.com and have found them to be great for keeping our daughter dry for long periods of time. The unique quilted liner locks away wetness better and the Leak Lock System with its quick-absorbing layers offer up to 12 hours of protection!

2. Wipes

You can never have too many baby wipes. You'll use them for far more than diaper changes. Washing your little ones hands before eating on the go, cleaning up spills in the car, and wiping sticky faces are just a few of the things you'll need them for.

3. Diaper Disposal Bags

The older your toddler gets, the worse those diapers are going to stink! Make sure you have a place to put the dirty ones while you look for the nearest trash can. You really don't want to leave a dirty diaper sitting out in the car!

4. Snacks

A hungry toddler is a grouchy toddler. Make sure you're always prepared with something to feed your little one!

5. Cup

Your toddler needs plenty to drink throughout the day. Make sure you're prepared with a full cup in the diaper bag!

6.Blanket

Sometimes you'll be out during nap time. If your little one will need to snooze in the car or stroller, make sure you're prepared with a blanket.

7. Change of clothes

Diaper blowouts aren't usually as much of a problem with an older toddler, especially if you're using high quality diapers like Huggies® Snug & Dry Ultra Diapers (available exclusively at Walmart.com.) However, your active toddler will find lots of ways to get dirty, whether it's jumping in the mud puddle or being a messy eater. Make sure you have clean clothes in the bag.

8. Pajamas

Many times you'll find yourself out later than you intended. Keep pajamas in the diaper bag and you can get your toddler into a fresh diaper and pajamas before you head home so they can go straight to bed.

9. Lovey/pacifier

If your toddler has a special animal, blankie, or doll, be sure to keep it in the diaper bag when you're out. If they get tired, you'll be glad to have it with you. If they still use a pacifier, make sure to have one (or two or three) with you also.

10. Toys

Chances are you'll end up somewhere that is boring to your toddler. Make sure you have a way to keep them occupied.

11. Hand sanitizer

If it's gross, your toddler will touch it. Be prepared.

You can buy the Huggies® Snug & Dry Ultra Diapers exclusively at Walmart.com.

Can you think of any other items you've learned to keep in the diaper bag?

35 Ways to Say “I Love You” to Your Child

You love your kids so much you could burst.  But do they know how much you love them?

Here are 35 actions you can take that will say “I LOVE YOU” to your child loud and clear!

1. Write notes

Write love notes to your child.  Send them in their lunch, leave them on their pillow, or put them beside their plate at the table.

2. Buy a prize when you go shopping

If you go to the store alone, bring them back a little something to say “I was thinking about you while I was gone.”

3. Take them somewhere fun

Go to the playground “just because”!

4. Play with them

Don't just watch your child play!  Get out there and throw the ball, swing on the monkey bars, or race your child across the backyard.

5. Read to them

Do your children know that reading is important?  Do they know that they are important?  Read to them and they'll know that both are important!

6. Fix their favorite meal

Just because you know they like it!

7. Make them “Queen for a day” or “King for a Day”

Treat them to royal service!  (Within reason!)

8. Look at them when they are talking to you

Look away from your phone or turn your face away from the sink full of dishes and look at your child when they speak to you.  Get down on their level as often as possible as look them straight in the eye.  By doing this your actions say loud and clear, “I'm listening.  What you have to say is important to me.”

9. Use a gentle tone of voice and respectful phraseology when speaking to them

10. Let them stay up a little while past bedtime to read or snuggle with mom and dad

11. Say “Yes!” when they ask if you can ____ (build a fort, make some popcorn, play outside, etc.)

— even if you're busy.

12. Give hugs and kisses

– You can never give a child too many.

13. Treat everything they say as if it's a big deal

– Because to them, it is!

 14. Compliment them

15. Don't interrupt when they are speaking

16. Write letters and send them in the mail

17. Give them appropriate boundaries

When you say “no” to the second helping of ice cream, “no” to staying up late, or “no” to mindless TV and video games, they know you are looking out for their well-being.  Love protects, even when it means saying no to something your child wants.

18. Let him help you in the kitchen

Kids always want to help with dinner.  They're thrilled when they can spend time near you and learn to do things that make them feel grown-up.

19. Take them on a date

Setting aside special time to take your child on a date makes them feel important.

20. Encourage

– Through success, and (especially) through failure

21. Tell stories about their childhood

Kids love to hear about when they were younger.  It makes them realize that they have always been special to you.  So much so that you want to remember every little thing about them.

22. Help with their chores

Kids need to learn responsibility, but sometimes just acknowledging that “This growing up thing is hard work.  Let me help you,” makes your child realize that you care about their feelings.

23. Ignore the phone

Ignore all those texts and emails from work.  Quit looking at Facebook.  Your child is  more important than those!

24. Call when you're away

Whether you're gone for 2 days or 2 hours, kids love it when you call and let them know you're missing them.

25. Make mental notes of what they like

Then surprise them with it.

26. Answer their questions

Don't ignore their questions or try to brush them off.  Answer their questions.  (Yes, all of them!)  Look up the answers if you don't know.

27. Smile

If you're happy to be around your child, make sure to communicate that to your face or your child won't know it!

28. Tell jokes

Kids love silliness.

29. Listen to their jokes

And they want you to think they're funny too.

30. Be honest

Lying isn't loving, even when the truth is painful.  Find a way to gently tell your child the truth.

31. Give a back rub

Gentle touches tell your child you're happy to be with them.

32. Sing to them

33. Tuck them in bed at night

34. Be sympathetic

If they're crying about something, it's obviously a big deal, even if it doesn't seem to you like it should be.  Don't dismiss it and tell them to “get over it”.  Say I'm sorry and give a hug instead.

35. Say “I Love You”

They want to hear the words from you!  So tell them!  You can't say these words often enough!

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5 Ways to Encourage a Reluctant Reader

Is reading not your child's favorite subject? Here are some ways you can encourage a reluctant reader!

I have moved all of my homeschooling posts to christianhomeschoolfamily.com.

You can go here to read this post at the new site.

Saving for a Sunny Day

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