Giving Up on Perfect

Imperfect Homemaker.

My motivation for naming this blog that way was to be a safe place where women could be reminded that they are not alone in their imperfections.

Before I began blogging here, I would see all these blogs with gorgeous crafts and delicious recipes, profound parenting advice, or home organization tips that would blow my mind.

And I would come away discouraged.

I'm not a great cook.
I struggle to keep my house clean and organized. Even though I try very hard, it's still not that great.
When I do a craft, people think it was my kindergartner's art project.

And when I would see these bloggers and their beautiful lives I would feel hopeless, knowing that there was no possible way for me to enjoy those things in my home.

I'm having a good day if I get a shower before noon.
You would never know by looking at my house that my kids and I have a cleaning checklist we do every single day. If you walk in unannounced I can almost guarantee that there will be a mess somewhere.
Some days I have dinner well under control, and other days it's 5 pm and I'm about to cry because I've been dealing with sibling arguments all day and I'm just too emotionally exhausted to think about making dinner.
Some days I am sweet and gentle with my kids, and some days I totally lose my cool.

And I am 100% certain that I am not the only one.

I don't want other wives and mamas to feel alone.

I get that people post their complicated recipes, their DIY home decor, and their mind-blowing parenting tricks to inspire and encourage. I'm sure there are things I have posted myself that only show the pretty side of life. Not every post has to be messy in order to be real or to be helpful.

But I want this to be a place where you see the pretty stuff and the not so pretty. Where you can be assured that to be imperfect is to be human, not inferior.

Sometimes being honest here has come back to hurt me. When I would try to be honest about my struggles with keeping a clean house, inevitably someone would comment about how I just obviously wasn't working hard enough at it.

When I would share some crazy antic that my child did, someone would be sure to let me know that if I were just more present with my children, my toddlers would never get into any mischief.

Many times there have been people who don't struggle with the same things that I do who just don't get where I'm coming from. There have been women who are naturally organized that have told me if I would just do x, y, and z  I would have no trouble keeping my house clean or my brain screwed on straight. They didn't seem to understand that I had tried over and over to do x, y, and z but that it didn't work for me because that is not how my brain works.

I have been told I'm making excuses and that I could do better if I just tried a little harder. No one knew how much I beat myself up every single day for not measuring up to the standards I had for myself. They didn't know that their well-intentioned comments only discouraged me further.

I know that if I felt that way, those of you who struggle in those ways probably feel that way too.

I have come a long way in the eight years since I started this blog.  I feel a little more on top of things than I used to. I've learned a lot, not just about homemaking strategies that work for me, but I'm also learning (or at least am better at) not to make my choices based on what other people think of me. I have learned what works for me, and I'm not afraid to do it, even if others don't understand or agree.

Over the years I have had to realize that when I became discouraged from seeing how much better at homemaking other people were, my feelings of self-condemnation were not coming from a place of truth.

I realized that it was wrong for me to let what other people said to me (or what I perceived they were thinking about me – yeah, I did that one a lot too) get to me. That is the fear of man, and the Bible says that the fear of man brings a snare (Proverbs 29:25.) I was trapping myself into the mindset that I had to live up to a certain standard of expectations or else I was somehow unworthy.

I saw a quote somewhere that said,

There are no perfect people; some just hide it better than others.

 

I was looking around at everyone else with their perfectly clean houses, their perfectly behaved children, and their perfectly planned meals and thinking that I was a miserable failure compared to them.

And that's where the big problem comes in — that little word compare.

The Bible says that comparing ourselves among ourselves is not wise.  (II Corinthians 10:12)

When I look at others I'm always going to feel like I'm not as good as someone else.  There's always going to be somebody prettier, more talented, more organized, more Godly, etc., etc., etc.

But the point of life isn't to find the most perfect person and try to be like them.

Because the most perfect person might not have any problems that show outwardly – she might have a gorgeous house, serve gourmet meals, and have little angel children, but there is no doubt she has her own problems.  Maybe she is not very wise or frugal with money, or maybe she yells at her kids or argues with her husband when no one is around, or maybe she struggles with overeating.

That very person who looks so perfect might be wishing she could be more like someone else (maybe it's even you she looks up to!!)

There are no perfect people.

We're all hopelessly flawed because we are sinful humans living in a sinful world. Our only hope is found in the grace of God; not in our abilities and achievements.

So it's time for all of us to stop setting other people up as our standard for living.  It's time to stop feeling like a failure because we don't measure up to some preconceived notion of who someone else is.

When we realize we are all in this together – this journey to holiness and to improving ourselves in the areas where we are not as skilled – we will be able to release ourselves from the condemnation of not measuring up.

When we see others who struggle in one area where we are more talented, we will be willing to help without judgment.

Let's release ourselves from the myth that there are perfect people.

Let's strive to help one another toward holiness and be understanding when we fail.

Let's each be the unique person that God made us to be and live the life that He intended us to live.