I’ve Got This…Wait…No I Don’t
I had big, starry-eyed ideas before our sweet little munchkin was born.
I would follow my own advice and have low expectations for my days. Basically, I would focus on the kids' needs, make sure dinner got made, and try to clean and keep up with laundry as much as I could and not stress about what didn't get done.
Sounds easy, right?
“I've got this.” I thought to myself.
But God has gentle ways of reminding me that “No, you don't.”
All 3 of the older kids spent the first couple days and nights at their grandparents' house while hubby and I got to enjoy some rest and quiet time with the baby.
Last night they came home, and here's how this morning went…
8:30 am – hubby's phone rings. It's his boss, saying that he hates to bother him, but they need his help with something at work. No problem. He tells me he's going to take the kids with him so I can stay in bed and sleep. I've been up most of the night with the baby.
11 am – Did you catch the time??? 2 1/2 hours later, he's finally going out the door. The delays included wet beds, a blowout diaper, and coaxing 3 kids to finish their breakfast. Meanwhile, I still have not made it out of the bedroom, but haven't gotten any extra sleep. I've been dealing with projectile spit-up and more blowout diapers, changing my own clothes and the baby's a couple times, and trying to figure out what to do with all this milk that is coming in that baby's tummy can't hold. So far I haven't even managed to find a few seconds to drink a protein shake that my husband made for me a half hour ago. I know I'm supposed to be eating enough and resting, but it's not working out very well. And I'm only taking care of one baby while my husband just spent 2 1/2 hours caring for the other 3 kids.
How in the world am I going to do all of this when he goes back to work?
Me and my big ideas.
I planned on keeping things simple, but it's pretty clear that even that's not going to be enough.
Right now it's 8:48 pm. Hubby took the older kids to Walmart while I'm making dinner. Yes, that's right. I am making dinner at 8:48 pm. At least we are having dinner at all.
I know not every day will be like this. Once the baby and I get squared away with nursing, she won't take up quite so much of my time. We'll eventually settle into a routine. Every kid isn't going to wet their bed every day.
But I need days like this.
I need to be reminded that I can't do it.
My mom has always told me that I was a very independent child, always wanting to “do it myself”. Apparently, I'm one of God's independent children too. “I can do it myself,” I tell him.
“Okay, I'll let you try that and see how it works out for you.”
As a child when my mother would let me try doing things myself, I had to finally admit that I really couldn't. I had to humbly come to her after I'd made a mess of things with my own effort and ask for her help cleaning it all up.
I'm the same way as God's child. After pridefully thinking that I've got things under control, He stands back until I humbly realize that I can't do anything apart from Him.
Yes, these rough newborn days are good for me.
Friend, are you in the same boat? Maybe not with a newborn, but with whatever your circumstances are? Do you think you've got things under control? Run to your Father before you make a mess of things.
Here are three things these past couple days have taught me about what I need to do as “God's independent child” and what I believe you should do when you find yourself fighting that battle too:
Admit that you are weak, and praise Him that He is strong. John 15:5 …without me ye can do nothing. Tell God honestly that you've been trying to do things yourself, and ask Him to help you. If there are specific rough spots in your day, pray specifically about those particular things.
When rough days settle down and start flowing more smoothly, don't turn back away from him. I admit, I am very bad about doing this. I realize that I've been depending on my own strength, so I come to him asking for help. When he answers my prayers, instead of thanking Him, I pat myself on the back and pridefully think that I'm the one who has turned the day from chaos to peace. Wow. I sure am a slow learner.
Give thanks in everything. Sometimes God doesn't fix all our problems; He simply gives us grace to endure them. Thank him whether he makes your burdens lighter or simply chooses to help you bear them.