You Are Not “Just” a Mom!

I've been studying women of the Bible in my personal devotions every morning – basically just going through an alphabetical list of every woman's name and then studying what the Bible says about that person.

Over a period of several days I started to notice a trend.

Many of the women mentioned in the Bible are not there because of some fascinating story connected to them; they are there simply because they are someone's mother.

This is the case in particular with the kings of Israel and Judah. Most of the time, the Bible tells the name of the king and then accompanies it with “and his mother's name was ______.”

It struck me that the Bible would often elaborate on whether or not that particular king did what was right in the sight of the Lord or whether he was evil.

Now, I know that every person makes their own choices and that whether the kings did right or wrong was ultimately up to them.

But, how much influence must those kings' mothers have had on them?

Even the famous chapter of Proverbs 31 is all about what one king learned from his mother.

Dear fellow mom, do you have any idea how much influence you have in our world?

You are shaping the future of our nation.
You are molding the leaders of our churches, our businesses, and our entire country.

Don't think for a second that your job is not important!

You're not “just” a mom!

How seriously are you taking the responsibility to teach your children how to be Godly adults?

Filling Little Minds with Scripture: A Call for Diligence

We were out running errands today – myself and all of the kids.

I was trying think of a way to keep them occupied in a productive way as we drove, so I said, “Let's play a game. We'll go youngest to oldest. Each person has to say a verse that they've memorized. When everyone has finished we'll start back at the youngest. The game is over when someone can't think of a verse.”

My 4-year-old was eager to start. I figured he would say one of the basics like “Children obey your parents” or “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”

But he didn't. He launched right into Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, against such there is no law.”

I sat listening to his high-pitched, lisping voice with my mouth hanging open as he rattled it off word-perfectly, including the reference.

I know where he learned it. It was one I was working on with the older kids a while back. As I always do with their school work, I had let him listen in and absorb as much as he could.

But he absorbed it in its entirety and retained it after several months had passed!

Immediately after that his six year old sister had her turn. She recited a passage of three verses (Proverbs 6:16-18). I knew I hadn't taught it to her, so I assumed she had learned it at church.

“Where did you learn that?” I asked.

“I memorized it this morning when I was reading my Bible,” she answered.

Again, I was rather flabbergasted. I hadn't told her that she needed to memorize as part of her Bible reading. But she had picked out some verses all on her own and memorized them.

I was very pleased, of course, with both incidents.

But at the same time I was sobered.

My children's minds are at the very peak of their ability to memorize and retain what they've learned.

Oh, how I need to be much more diligent about helping them to memorize God's Word!

I read a story the other day of how a lady and her children memorized the entire book of Philippians by putting in just a few minutes a day, I determined that this is something I need to make more of a priority.

My children are involved in a scripture memory program at church, and I will be honest and say that I have let that allow me to become slack in this area as a parent. I am very thankful we have a program like that! But at the same time, why shouldn't we do even more as a family?

As I already said, it is evident that even my youngest children have the capacity to memorize and retain Scripture at an incredible rate.

If Fanny Crosby could memorize 8 entire books of the Bible before she was twelve years old, my children can memorize at least one!

I am determined to work our way as a family through the book of Philippians, using “Philippians in 28 Weeks” as our guide. It will be good for my children, and it will be good for me!

Teaching our children God's Word is not going to come by accident – we have to intentionally make the time!

Blessings on your family as you raise up the next generation to be faithful servants of Jesus Christ!

The Biggest Gap in My Parenting (And How I’m Closing It)

“You need to be consistent.”

I've heard and read that phrase and similar ones many times regarding parenting.

And it's true, but perhaps parents need a little more elaboration on that phrase.

Maybe you understood completely what that advice meant, but I was missing a little piece of the puzzle myself.

Thankfully as I have sought the Lord's wisdom in my parenting, He has opened up my eyes more and more to an element that is so very crucial to my children's success.

See, when I would hear the phrase “Be consistent”, the idea that came to my mind was “When they disobey, make sure there are consequences every time.  Never turn your head and forego correction because it's not convenient at the moment.”

And that is true. If you turn your head and allow your children to do whatever they want rather than putting in the work to deal with things when they arise, you are not doing yourself or your children any favors.

However, if that is the only connotation to the phrase “Be consistent” there is a massive gap in what our children really need!

If that is the only connotation, the focus is 100% on discipline and correction.  Parents end up spending all their efforts correcting misbehavior. Instead, it's better to pour most of our efforts into proactively teaching our children.

I admit that I made this mistake when I first had children.  I wanted so badly to “get it right” so I was very careful to “be consistent” about correcting bad behavior.

But what I didn't understand was that I was putting the cart before the horse.  I was expecting to teach my children through correction.  But if I would have put more time and effort into the teaching part there wouldn't have been nearly as much need for the correcting part.

So now when I think of the phrase “Be consistent”, I tell myself that I need to be consistent in focused teaching.  I need to put intentional time into helping my children understand exactly how to do the many things I hope for them to learn.

For example:

• We can role play how to do things like share or how to use kind words.
• I can work alongside them as they clean their room until their brains have developed enough to understand how to get from point “messy” to point “clean.”
• I can redirect them when they kick their shoes off in the middle of the floor and teach them how to be a tidy person instead of waiting till I get irritated by the messy floor.

There are so many more examples I could give, but do you see how so much of our child training ends up being done through correction because we don't put the work on the front end of teaching them to begin with?

The more our interactions with our children are based on correction, the more they will hear the message, “You failed again.” So many zealous parents end up having strained relationships with their grown children because they unintentionally taught them that they are a disappointment and a failure.

But if we as parents could more intentionally focus on upfront connection, there would be far less correcting to do. AND, when there is correcting to be done, it can be given in the form of gentle reminders (remember when we learned how to do xyz? Now's a good chance for you to put in practice what we learned!) rather than lectures and reprimands.

I am sure if you start brainstorming, you can think of areas where you are constantly having to correct and discipline your child.

Think of ways you can teach and practice the things you want your children to learn before the need for correction arises!

Here are some fantastic resources that explore this topic more:
(affiliate links included)

1. Motivate Your Child: A Christian Parent's Guide to Raising Kids Who Do What They Need to Do Without Being Told

2. Discipline that Connects With Your Child's Heart

5 Things My Mom Never Stopped Doing for Me

As a mom of small children, it is sometimes tempting to look forward to the days when my life is not so exhausting.  Taking care of the needs of children is a 24/7 job, and I'll admit that while I don't want to “wish the years away”, I do sometimes look forward to the day when things will get a little easier.

But even though the days of diaper changes, constant snack-making, chauffeuring, and refereeing arguments may come to an end, a mother's work never ends until she leaves this earth.

Now that I'm grown, I think sometimes my mom works harder than ever in her role as mother.

Here are 5 things she has never stopped doing for me, and possibly does even more so now that I'm a grown woman with a family of my own:

1. Pray for me

I know my mom prayed for her children all throughout our growing up years.  She prayed that our hearts would be tender toward God's working in our lives, that we would choose good friends, and make wise decisions.  She prayed for our physical safety.  She prayed for our futures.

And now that the future is here, the things she needs to pray for are possibly more important than ever.

Her children now have families of their own, and the number of people and needs on her prayer list have multiplied.

So while she no longer has any children in the nest, my mother's job of prayer has never ended; it has only increased.

2. Encourage me

When I was little, it was mama who would tell me not to worry about the girls at school who were being mean to me.  It was mama who told me what I great job I did at my piano recital. It was mama who smiled and told me to go for it when I wanted to write a song or write a book or start a lemonade stand.

Now that I'm grown, it's still mama who lifts me up when I'm discouraged and points me to the truth of God's Word that I need to meditate upon.  It's still mama who praises me when I'm excited about an accomplishment.  It's still mama who doesn't try to stop me when I decide to pursue some crazy idea, but believes in me instead.

Yes, my mother is still my encourager.

3. Care for me

Whether it's fighting my way through morning sickness during pregnancy, or dealing with a chronic illness, my mom is the first one to see how she can take care of me.

She'll make food for my family or watch my kids so I can rest or help me clean my house.

Just like a little child wants their mama when they are sick, a grown woman still finds much comfort when being cared for by her mother.

I'm thankful my mom has never stopped taking care of me when I need it.

4. Inconvenience herself

Moms of little children are inconvenienced every day in many ways – foregoing sleep, spending time cleaning up messes rather than relaxing with a good book, or making an emergency search of the house to find the library book their child lost.

Now that I'm grown, my mom still inconveniences herself in many ways.

She picks up the phone even when she suspects it's a last minute request for babysitting, and she says yes even though she really is too tired.

She sits at home by herself late at night while my dad comes to bail us out of a broken-down car situation.

She welcomes me into her home any time of the day or night, even if it means foregoing her plans to accomplish some much-needed things on her to-do list.

Mothering a grown child is not convenient, but my mom keeps plugging along at this motherhood gig anyway.

5. Listen to me

A good mom listens to her child's disappointments and excitements, even when they seem ridiculous.

Whether I was crying about a popped balloon as a child or a burnt supper as an adult, my mom would still listen without dismissing my distress as unimportant.

If I call my mom with something trivial, even if the phone call is interrupting her day, she listens to me ramble on without showing any impatience or disinterest.

What an awesome mom!

I hope I can be like her some day when my own children are grown.

Because You are The Mom

Attachment parenting. Co-sleeping. Bottle feeding. Pacifiers. Cloth diapering. Feeding routines.

If we were to make a comparison chart of every mom reading this, the check marks would fall in completely different places for every single one of us.

One mom would have check marks beside bottle feeding, disposable diapers, and pacifiers. Another would have breastfeeding, babywearing, and cosleeping marked off. And others would have a seemingly contradictory mixture of it all. (Yeah, that would be me. I'm a breastfeeding, naturally minded mom, but carrying my baby all day and feeding on demand is just not what works for me.)

I think moms often feel guilty and condemned when their parenting style doesn't look like someone else's.

We feel like other people think they're a perfect mom and that we are some poor ignoramus who really doesn't have a clue.

And maybe some moms really think that.

But I've always been quick to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's just part of my personality to do that.

I think (and sincerely hope this is true) that a lot of moms come across as thinking they have all the answers not because they're trying to be a know it all, but because they care very much about helping other moms.

They've found something that works beautifully for their family and they want to share!

The tricky part is that it's sometimes hard to share in such a way that doesn't sound like you're telling other people what to do. Another mom REALLY wants people to just try this or that because she's SURE it will help them, but communicating strong emotions, especially through the internet can often backfire and turn into a perceived battleground.

In an age when we all do so much research online, trying to make an informed decision often feels like you've placed yourself into a mommy tug-of-war — and you are the rope!

“Cosleeping is best -and here's why.”

Oh no! My children might be damaged emotionally because they've been sleeping by themselves all this time!

“Why my children sleep in their own beds.”

Who does this author think she is? My kids can sleep in my bed if I want them to!

The more you read, the more negative emotions surface:
Guilt – because you're not doing it ” right “.
Anger – because how dare someone try to tell you how to parent your child.
Frustration – because you are looking for a solution to your parenting needs but all you can find are conflicting opinions.

Here's my encouragement to you:
You are not doing it wrong.

There is only one you – only one perfect mom for your children. There is no one in the world who knows them more intimately or loves them more strongly.

So keep on keeping on. And when strong opinions – well-intentioned or not – make you feel angry or guilty or frustrated, consider this:

Is what I'm doing working well for my family?

If it is, there's no harm in saying “Thanks for the info!” and then proceeding as usual. No need to stew and be angry at someone who was (hopefully) just trying to be helpful.

If what you're doing is NOT working, it's okay to say so. Just because someone who felt very strongly about baby feeding routines convinced you that is was the “right” way doesn't mean it is for YOU.

Or just because someone who felt strongly about cosleeping somehow made you feel guilty if you didn't do it too,that doesn't mean you have to persevere if you're getting zero sleep and resenting your child because of it.

You have the freedom to keep doing what works and the freedom to try something else if it doesn't.

Because YOU are the mom.
And you're the very best one in the world.

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To the Mom Who is Frustrated at Her Kids

“Why?  Why?!”  I asked my husband through clenched teeth.

I could feel my nostrils flaring a bit as I tried hard to contain the frustration.

I held up the bag of chocolate chips that was now almost completely empty.  I had only bought it the day before, but I had just discovered that its contents were nearly gone.  They had become the victim of some child's cravings while I was taking a much-needed nap.

“I wanted to be a good mom and make them some cookies.  I try to do something nice for them and this is how they treat me?  Why?” I lamented.

My husband looked up at me and smiled.  “Because they're immature,” he answered simply.

I let out a big sigh.

“Yes, I suppose you're right,” I hesitantly agreed.  “I suppose you're right.”

It was a short conversation, but those words have continued to ring in my ears ever since.

When I walk into the bathroom and wonder why the water is dripping and there's toothpaste splattered all over the sink”, I hear those words: “Because they're immature.”

When they're bickering and whining and I wonder why they won't just do what they've been told a thousand times, I hear it: “Because they're immature.”

When I walk past their room and wonder why they still haven't figured out how to put their dirty clothes into the hamper, I remember: “Because they're immature.”

This parenting thing requires a lot of repetition.  I knew that in theory before I became a parent, but in practice, it's a hundred times harder than I thought it would be.

Many are the times I've wanted to throw up my hands and say, “What's the use?  The house will always have junk on the floor, my chocolate chip bag will forever remain empty, and I will never hear siblings playing together in harmony.”

But the fact of the matter is, they're still immature.

I don't need to get frustrated.

I don't need to give up.

I need to continue teaching and training and training and teaching.  Over and over and over again.

So that's what I'll do.

Because they're immature.

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