Why My Kids Don’t Check the Mail

Let me tell you a little story, and I think you'll immediately understand why my kids don't check the mail.

“Would you like to get the mail for me?” I asked my young son.  Taking out the trash was one of his first “big boy” responsibilities, and now it was time to broaden his horizons even more.

He answered with an excited, “Yes!”

Although our once-busy road has now been made much safer due to the redirecting of traffic other than us and a couple neighbors, I still watched him from the window as he went down the driveway.  I wanted to make sure he got back to the house safely, but even more so I wanted to see that he didn't get distracted and set the mail down to start riding his bike or digging in the dirt. 🙂

When he walked back in the door and handed me the stack of mail, I was horrified to find that one of the pieces of mail was a catalog for women's underwear!   The front cover had a full-length picture of a woman in her bra and underwear.  I've tried to stop these catalogs from coming before, but to no avail.  It had been a while since I'd received one, though, so that was the last thing on my radar when I sent him out to check the mail.

I said to my son, “I'm very sorry, but you won't be able to check the mail anymore from here on out.  Do you know why?”

“Because there was a bad magazine in there,” he answered.

“What did you do when you saw it?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.  I wanted to reinforce the things we'd been teaching him without making him feel like he was in trouble for seeing the catalog.

“I flipped it over.”

“Okay.  You did the right thing.  But I still don't want you to check the mail anymore.  Even though you flipped it right over, you can never un-see what you accidentally saw.  I don't want to put you in the position for that to happen again.”

Although he was disappointed, he understood and agreed.

I was talking to a friend of mine, and she noted that a similar scenario had played out at her house too.

I've checked mail for friends and relatives who have been on vacation and seen that the same type of mail shows up in their mailboxes sometimes too.

Fast-forward a few months later to this afternoon, when I wanted to check the mail, but it was chilly and rainy.

“I could just send one of the kids out to get it,” I thought.  “Those things only show up every once in a great while, and surely there won't be something this time….No.  I need to stick with what we've decided.  What if there was something this time?”

When I opened up the mailbox, guess what was staring me in the face?  You guessed it.  Another picture of a nearly-nude woman.

I was ever-so-glad  I hadn't sent my son out there.

I'm not going to pretend that my children will never see inappropriate pictures.  They will.  They'll see magazine covers in the grocery checkout line.  They'll see scantily clad people out in public.  They'll see billboards.  They'll hear filthy words like my son and I heard coming from the rap music someone had cranked up in the Walmart parking lot the other day.

Sheltering isn't the only answer.  They need to be taught how to respond when they are assaulted by the wickedness of the world.

But I'm also not ashamed to say that I shelter my children as much as possible too.

The devil is a roaring lion who wants to devour them.

See also: Protecting Your Child from the Devil

He wants to pervert their minds through any means he can.  He wants to taint their innocence and leave images that can never be erased.  He wants to tempt them to entertain wrong thoughts.

And as long as the devil is around, which will be until we leave this earth, I'll be telling my kids they can't check the mail.  I'll be turning magazines backward in the checkout line and diverting their attention away from filthy billboards. I'll be restricting any unsupervised access to the internet.  I'll be leaving the store when the music on the loudspeaker has words that are perverted and ungodly.

My children are too precious for me to let them wander into the lion's trap.

More resources:

As I mentioned in the post, we must not be so naive as to assume our children will never be exposed to the wrong type of images.  Preparing them ahead of time to respond correctly when those unexpected incidents happen is an important part of the strategy for a parent who wants to protect their child.

Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids

I have not yet read this, and I don't believe that it's from a Christian author, but I have heard really good things about it.

From the description: Good Pictures Bad Pictures is a comfortable, read-aloud story about a mom and dad who teach their child what pornography is, why it's dangerous, and how to reject it. Using easy-to-understand science and simple analogies, this ground-breaking book engages young kids to porn-proof their own brains.

The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality gives parents an action plan for discussing sexuality with their children in a Biblical way.

Covenant Eyes provides Internet accountability and filtering for the whole family.  One great way to use it for kids is simply to create a whitelist.  For example, my children do some of their schoolwork online, but I don't want them to have access to the internet.  I can whitelist the websites they use for their schooling so they can access them without any further internet access. Check out all of Covenant Eyes' features here.

To the Mom Who Just Served Cereal For Supper…Again

Dear worn-out, guilt-ridden mama who just served your family cereal for supper because it was better than not feeding them at all:

I understand because I've been there.

No…let me rephrase that.  I AM there.

Just last night we went through the drive-through because it was really late and we were so tired and the kitchen was already a mess and I absolutely dreaded the thought of trying to prepare something else in the middle of a messy kitchen.

I said to my husband, “I HATE feeding this food to my kids, but at least junk food is better than NO food.”

If you're feeding cereal to your family for supper, let me tell you something.

It's going to be okay.

Many other moms have walked this road you're walking.  You're not a failure.  Your kids aren't going to die from malnutrition.  And one day you will cook supper again.

Life is full of seasons – seasons of sickness, seasons of playing soccer mom, seasons of packing and moving, and sometimes…seasons of peace and rest.

If you're walking through a “cereal for supper” season, I thought I'd share some survival techniques, because while it's perfectly okay to feed your family survival mode food, I know you'd a whole lot rather be putting nutritious meals into those bellies.

1. Give yourself an honest evaluation

First you need to be brutally honest with yourself.

Ask yourself some hard questions like,

“Am I always scrambling for supper because life honestly has to be this busy and stressful?  Or are my sloppy supper habits a result of my own disorganization?”

“What can I eliminate from my schedule that will help me not to be too busy to feed my family properly?”

“Am I using the fact that there are difficult seasons of life as an excuse or is riding out the storm truly all I can do at this point?”

It may be that you will find the time to feed your family more nutritious meals if you simply make the time to do so.

If not, remember: it's going to be okay.
Don't beat yourself up and never, ever feel guilty for doing your best.

2. Ask for help

Sometimes you're in over your head and there is nothing you can do about it.

There is no shame in asking for help.

When kind folks at church ask what they can do to help you through a hard season, be honest and tell them that some meals would be a huge help!  (Ouch!  I'm stepping on my own toes here!)

It's so hard for us to admit to others that we need help.  I think for most of us it's not necessarily a pride issue as it is an “I don't want to inconvenience anyone” issue.

But if others have offered to help and obviously want to be a blessing, then we shouldn't feel badly about letting them!

Even if no one outside the family offers, it is actually okay to ask your husband to help cook supper. (Gasp!)  Or your kids! (Gasp!)

The other night my 8 year old made biscuits completely by himself while I cooked the rest of the meal.  To be honest, I wasn't sure how that was going to work out, but they were great!  We never know how much our kids can to do help until we let them try!

3. Have a plan

When things are busy or stressful or you're ill, it's pretty much a given that dinner time is going to be a struggle.

Having a plan is critical to surviving the dinner hour during the difficult seasons of life.  And sometimes the simplest of things can help you in a big way.

For example:

• Cook extra meat on the nights you do cook to use for a super-quick meals later on in the week.
• Chop extra vegetables when you're cooking.  Stick the extra in the freezer for easy meals later.
• Triple or quadruple your recipes.  Your cooking and cleaning times are about the same, but you'll have 2 or 3 meals to put into the freezer for busier days.
• Make a list of super-quick meals that are still nutritious. (Scrambled eggs, meatless soups using canned beans, salads, etc.)  Just having an idea of what you can make can keep you from reaching for the cereal box again.
• Plan your meals.  Sometimes just knowing ahead of time what's for supper can help you avoid the suppertime  scramble.  You can stick supper in the crockpot if you know in the morning what you're having.  If you're ill and can't cook, having a meal plan will help your husband or kids know what they can cook.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I like to use Build a Menu to plan my menus.  I love that they offer the freedom to choose exactly what I want to make.

(Want to see why I love it so much?  Go through this link for a free 2 week trial!)

Did these tips help shine a little light into your desperate situation?  I sure hope so!

It's gonna be okay, mama.  It's gonna be okay.

5 Ways to Cultivate a Heart of Contentment in Your Children

“But I wanted cheese pizza; not pepperoni!”

“Why does she get to do all the fun stuff?  I never get to do anything!”

Do you hear phrases like this in your home?  Is it obvious that your children are struggling with being content?

Here are some ways you can help to cultivate a heart of contentment in your children:

1. Teach them that all good things come from God.

If they are given the blessing of a fun family night with pizza, teach them that God gave it to them as a gift.  When we recognize that the good things we have are gifts from God, we can learn to be grateful for them instead of wishing for more.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. (James 1:17)

2. Do not shelter them from the unpleasant realities of the world.

Most children really have no idea how privileged they are.  When you tell them that children in Africa are starving, they really don't have a clue what you mean.

Don't be afraid to show them how people are living and explain to them that the meal they are eating is more than some children have had all day.  Let them be involved in helping the needy and homeless people in your own community so they can truly get an idea of how good they have things.

3. Teach them that joy is a choice rather than a feeling.

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice. Philippians 4:4

We are not always going to feel happy about our circumstances.  Yet we are told to rejoice always.  There is no way to do that except by making a deliberate choice.  (Don't worry; you'll have plenty of chances to model this choice because you don't always feel happy either, do you?)

4. Meditate on and talk about good things.

Right along with understanding that joy is a choice is meditating and speaking about good things.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

If we are always focusing on the negative our children will learn to do the same.  Instead, we must intentionally put our mind on good things even when things are not going our way.

(See also: How Philippians 4:8 is Changing Our Home, Plus a Free Printable.)

5. Teach them and show them that we ought to put others first.

Children (okay, adults too!) tend to be envious when a friend gets something nice that they didn't.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:3-4

But we are commanded to put others first.  If we are treating others with more importance than ourselves we can be genuinely happy for them rather than jealous of their blessing.

You may want to take a look at this study for children called A Content Heart.  I just downloaded it and I know it is going to be great!

You can get the Junior version for younger kids or the youth version for kids that are a little older.  (Or you can get a combo pack if you have multiple children of various ages.)  Take a look here.

What are some other ways you can think of to help your children learn to be content?

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The Strongest Voice in the Room

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by WORLD News Group.

Parents in the digital age are all too aware of the growing competition for their children's attention. In fact, every day approximately 5,000 messages—pieces of information designed to impact our thinking and direct our feelings—are targeted at today’s families. To be inundated with 35,000 messages per week is an extraordinary development in our culture, affecting the way we think, act, and live.

This deluge is complicated by the fact that much of the information targeted at our families is intended to keep us in a state of uncertainty or suspense, to keep us coming back for more.

When families to recognize this attempt at suspense building for what it is, information can then be used in more redemptive ways, and our children can be trained to respond to it more wisely.

Such insight and training requires us to tailor instruction to each critical stage of a child’s development. That’s exactly what WORLD News Group’s products do, with age-appropriate offerings that meet children and young teenagers where they are, making leaning fun and effective, while fueling their faith. Specifically,

• God’s Big WORLD will help your preschoolers by supplying them with useful and engaging information for the future, instilling in them the wonders of God’s creation.

•  WORLDkids will challenge elementary-age children to explore their world and gain a deeper understanding of it, building good habits vital to their success as adults.

• WORLDteen will provide a safe environment for young teens to absorb and filter the news, stretching their reasoning muscles, so that when faced with information onslaught, they will instinctively know how to respond and thrive.

The question before us is not IF our children will consume information, but HOW they will consume it. That’s why WORLD News Group is committed to standing with you as parents to assist you in training your children to be smart, godly consumers of news and information in a society that routinely employs information as a weapon and news as a tool for manipulation.

No one can stop the barrage of messages aimed at our children, but we can be the strongest voice in the room.

(Click to tweet that! ^ )

To learn more about WORLD News Group’s safe, engaging and enlightening products, or to receive a 15% off your purchase, visit GWNEWS.com/15off.

5 Reasons You’re a Grumpy Mom (And What You Can Do About Them!)

Regret.  You know the feeling. You wish you hadn't slammed that door. You wish you'd used a nicer tone of voice. You know you need to be sweet, but you're just not feeling it.

Some days everybody in the house is miserable just because you're a grump. You know it's you that's setting the unpleasant mood, but you're not quite sure how to pull yourself out of it.

Let's examine some of the common reasons a mom gets grumpy and then it will be a little easier to determine what you can do about it.

1. Your relationship with the Lord is suffering.

When you don't make time with the Lord a priority, your mood will sour in a hurry. There are endless challenges to be faced in a day, both expected and unexpected. When you meet those challenges with nothing but your own strength and wisdom, you are fighting a losing battle. How can you face the inconvenience of a potty training accident with patience if you haven't spent time in the Word and in prayer? How can you hold up under the stress of a rebellious teenager's antics without asking and seeking for wisdom from God? Motherhood requires complete dependence on God. But due to the busy, demanding nature of motherhood, many moms rely on their own strength without even realizing it. Duty calls! There is a long to-do list waiting to be completed! Instead of stopping to spend time asking God to direct your day and give you strength and wisdom for whatever you will face, you get right out of bed and start in on the things you need to do. When the pressures inevitably come, you respond with the wrong attitude because you are not strong enough to handle it on your own.

What you can do:

Make your time with God a priority. Guard it fiercely because your life truly does depend on it. I realize sometimes you can't ever find a quiet moment, so I've written some practical suggestions on How to Find Time for God When You Can Hardly Find Time to Breathe. When you make a conscious effort to invite God into your every day life, you will find His Spirit more than willing to help you be sweet when you're irritated, patient when you're rushed, and calm when you're frazzled.

2. You're overwhelmed.

Maybe there are more things that need to be done in a day than will reasonably fit into a 24 hour period.   Maybe the kids are exceptionally hyper and are creating a less-than-peaceful environment. Maybe due to your busy schedule the house has turned into a disaster zone and you don't see how you can possibly pull it back together, especially when you're interrupted every few minutes by a voice from the bathroom calling “I'm dooone!” or a sibling arguing match that needs to be addressed. It all closes in on you and you find your mood darkening by the minute. You wish everybody would just behave and stop causing you all this trouble, and when they don't shape up and clean up and straighten up you are a little less than happy.

What you can do:

First, STOP. Retreat.

Tell everyone “Mommy needs 5 minutes in her room. You may look at books in your own room until I come out.” If you're feeling yourself getting grumpy, you need to get alone with God ASAP, even if it's only for a few minutes. Take some deep breaths and let your heart rate slow down. (I do not recommend giving your children chores to do while you're in your room. If they don't do them you'll only get frustrated all over again when you come out. Give them something fun to do and they'll gladly comply, but do make sure they have a specific place to be so they don't wreak havoc in the house.) Take just a minute to pray and ask God to help you with your attitude. Ask him for strength to get through what needs to be done. And ask Him for wisdom to understand what your priorities should be at this time.

Next, think about what can be eliminated.

Maybe you're rushing around to prepare for a specific activity and it's really gotten you worked up. Is it something that you have to fit into your schedule? If not, cross it off, and you've also crossed the overwhelm out of your day too.

Whatever you can eliminate, do it. Lighten your load, and you will remove the entire reason for feeling grumpy. Remove the cause; remove the effect. Problem solved.

3. Your family is irritating you.

Sometimes, in spite of every effort you've made to serve your family with a sweet attitude, they seem intent on making your day miserable. As you evaluate what you might have done wrong, you honestly cannot think of anything. Some days it seems like my kids have secretly conspired to disobey every command I give, cry every time they don't get their way, and have a contest to see who can come up with the most mischievous escapade. It almost seems like I should have a right to be grumpy on those days. But really, who wants to be grumpy? Not me! I would imagine you don't care to be grumpy either.

What you can do:

Sometimes your children are just craving your attention. Maybe your mind is too much on the housework and they're trying to say “Hello! Can you pay some attention to me too?” Sometimes they're tired or going through emotional changes. It's probably time to take a break from housework and go outside and play with your kids. When my children are purposely irritating me, the last thing I want to do is spend more time with them, but once I do it is the best thing for all of us. It usually helps their behavior, and if nothing else, it gives me some happy thoughts! I'd rather think about how cute the kids looked when I was pushing them on the swing then how badly their bickering is irritating me.

4. You're tired.

Do I really even need to explain that being tired makes a mom feel grumpy? But most of us are perpetually tired. It's a never ending job, this mothering thing!

What you can do:

Although it's tempting to stay up late when the house is (finally!) quiet, you”ll be glad in the morning if you just get some good rest instead. If you have kids waking in the night, chances are they'll wake up right about the time you turn off the light. You'll wonder why you didn't go to bed earlier so you could have at least logged a couple hours sleep before then!

Sometimes extreme, unexplained fatigue is the result of underlying physical problems. If you're experiencing this, it is not normal, and I recommend that you visit a doctor to get some help. I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome several years ago and I can testify that it not only makes one extremely tired all the time, but it also negatively impacts your emotional well-being. (Praise the Lord I was able to find some good help and overcome these challenges naturally.  See my book here.) If you're getting plenty of sleep at night and still finding yourself incredibly tired all the time, you should seek medical help.

5. You're hungry.

Have you ever heard the term “hangry”? It's when you feel grumpy or angry because you need to eat!

If your blood sugar drops too low you may even start to feel shaky and weak. This is not a good position for a mom to be in, especially when you have a house full of other hungry people!

What you can do:

Eat breakfast within an hour of waking up and be sure to eat plenty of food throughout the day. Keep a food journal so you can see exactly how much you're eating. When you're busy dealing with children it's very possible you're eating a lot less than you think you are! Keep healthy snacks on hand and never ever feel guilty about eating. Help your children understand how to be sensitive to the needs of others by allowing them to wait when they want seconds at meal times. Tell them, “Mommy will be happy to get you something as soon as I've finished my first helping.” If anyone needs to eat, it's you, mom! You can still serve your family without getting up from the table a hundred times. Feed your body plenty of healthy food and you will be able to say good-bye to some of that pre-dinner grouchiness.

What makes you a grouchy mom? What do you do about it? I'd love for you to share your thoughts in the comments!

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17 Ways To Ensure Your Son Will Not Be a Gentleman

“How are you?” she asked, but there was no response, other than the grumpy look on his face. 

“Surely  he answered and I just didn't hear him,” I thought to myself in surprise.  But as she asked another question  and then another, even she began to look surprised.

I could not believe she just spoke directly to his face and he just stared back at her with a scowl!

This was not a troubled teen.  This was a young adult from a good home who should have known better.

About a week later, I happened to pass him and when I said hello he continued on without even acknowledging that I had spoken.  I was flabbergasted.

Then I remembered a college professor of mine who said that this happened to him all the time with college students.  He would say good morning and they just simply wouldn't answer.  (He would just run back around in front of them and try it again until he got an answer!)

But again, these weren't young adults from troubled homes. For the most part these were people from good families, but they all had one thing in common: they were RUDE!

If such a large number of young adults have grown up not having learned basic manners, I have to wonder if parents are dropping the ball.  I understand that ultimately children make their own choices, but when it comes to something like manners, those aren't really choices; they're habits that are learned from the earliest ages.

The following are ways that parents unintentionally raise sons who are not gentlemen.  (And if you have daughters, any of the points that are not boy-specific absolutely apply.)

Let's work hard to avoid these parenting pitfalls and teach our children to be polite, caring adults!

1. Let him play rough with his sisters or female friends.

This will help him learn that ladies are not to be treated gently and with respect.

2. Don't let him help carry groceries for mom.

Mom can do it faster herself, and not allowing him the privilege to help will teach him that ladies don't need gentlemen to help them anyway.

3. Don't make him give his seat to a lady.

This will teach him to take care of himself  when he's tired (or lazy.)

4. Don't enforce table manners.

This will help him understand that he is too dumb to use them anyway and that “real men” are crass.

5. Don't make him speak when someone speaks to him.

This will help him understand that his own feelings are more important than treating other people with respect. (Note: I understand that some young children are extremely shy.  But if you always use that as an excuse, they will have a very hard time overcoming it when they're grown.  This post has a suggestion for gently helping children who struggle with being shy.)

6. Always let him choose the activity when friends are over.

This will teach him not to value the opinions and wishes of others, especially when they are different from his own.

7. Don't make him apologize when he bumps into someone or knocks something over.

This will teach him to live recklessly and without thought of how his actions affect others.

8. Allow him to cut in line or push his way to the front.

This will teach him that he's got to look out for himself, no matter how it affects other people.

9. Don't differentiate between inside and outside behavior (running, shouting, etc.)

This will teach him that he can let out his manly energy anytime he wants; there is no reason to control it until the appropriate time.

10. Just let “boys be boys” – picking nose, burping, scratching

This will help him understand that the ladies just need to “get over it”; he doesn't need to be concerned that his actions make others feel uncomfortable.

11. Always give him your full attention when he interrupts.

This will teach him that he is the most important person in the world and that his desires come before everyone else's.

12. Give him whatever he wants, no matter how he asks.

This will help him learn how to exert his “manly authority” instead of realizing that he doesn't deserve any favors that are given to him.

13. Do not make him stop to say thank you when someone gives him something.

This will help him develop an attitude of entitlement.

14. Let him speak his mind out loud about other people.

This will help him understand that other people's feelings don't matter.

15. Allow him to barge into closed doors whenever he wants.

This will teach him that other people do not deserve respect for their privacy.

16. Let him take things away from people if he wants them.

This will help him learn to be a “go-getter”, even if it means he steps on other people to get what he wants.

17. Don't ever expect him to pitch in and help when you're working on something.

This will help him learn never to volunteer to help someone in need.

And although this last one is not part of the official list, it might be the most important: Don't ever let him see daddy treating mommy like a lady (or mommy allowing daddy to do so – “I can open my own door!”).  This will make sure he has no good example to follow.

Do you see any areas that could use some tightening up in your household?  Did you think of any other ways that parents train their boys (or girls) to be rude and uncaring of others?

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