A Sobering Letter to the Wife With the Filthy House

“Is a filthy house grounds for divorce?”  

Someone's husband found one of my blog posts by googling that phrase.  Isn't that sad?

He ended up leaving a comment and further expressing his frustrations. He noted that normally you think of the wife as the one who is always cleaning up behind her family, but in his case he was always cleaning up behind his wife.

He hated the fact that he had even done such a search, but he was just beyond frustrated with the horribly messy home he had to come home to every day.

He said his wife would move heaven and earth to get the house clean before guests showed up, but every other day it was a pig sty.  He also made sure to note that he does a lot of cleaning around the house to help her, but she never seemed to do her part to keep it that way.  She was embarrassed if someone else saw her house all dirty, but she didn't care if her husband saw it that way.  He admitted that perhaps a messy house bothered him too much – that maybe he was being a little OCD, but he really was just wishing that his wife would put a little more effort into keeping things clean and tidy.

Now, I have no idea who this man is or what their marriage is like.  I don't know how good of a job he is doing at communicating his needs to his wife.  He does have a responsibility to be honest with her and tell her in a kind and gentle way how much the state of the house bothers him and affects his mood when he comes home after a long day at work.  I'm not negating that he has a responsibility to help resolve the conflict.

(And if you're Mr. Clean married to Mrs. Messy, stay tuned because my husband and I are working together to share some ideas for your situation.  Perhaps she's trying harder than you realize or she may even be suffering from depression and not even know it – depression sometimes shows up as apathy. Whatever the case, we are working on resources to help you work through this together.)

But this particular article isn't for the husbands; it's for the wives.

So if you are that wife whose husband might feel so depressed inside your messy home that he is googling about whether to divorce you over it, it's time to wake up.

It's time to pull yourself out of your funk and do something about this problem.

I know some of the things you are thinking right now.  I know because I am a wife who really struggles with keeping the house clean.  Here are some of the things that are going through your head, and I will acknowledge that some of them may be perfectly legitimate.

“I have a chronic illness which makes it hard to do any physical work.”

“The kids don't help me at all.  They make messes faster than I can clean them up.”

“I never learned how to keep a house clean.”

“He only thinks I don't do any work.  I work hard all day, but at the end of the day it looks like I haven't done a thing.”

As I said before, I completely believe you that some of these statements are true.  But I also know that sometimes laziness is very sneaky.  Can't is a very relative word, and sometimes when you determine in your heart that you can, you will make a way. (Remember the guests?  You can make a way on the non-guest days too.)

If your heart almost stopped when you read that there is a husband out there somewhere who just wants OUT of the mess, and you know it could easily be your husband, read on.

I want to help.

Let's address some of the reasons/excuses for a messy house one by one:

“I have a chronic illness which makes it hard to do any physical work.”
I get it.  I live with this every day of my life.  I've had to learn that when I'm having a good day, I MUST use my time wisely.  If I procrastinate on a job that needs to be done, there is no guarantee I will be able to do it later.  It is also important that you communicate clearly and openly to your husband about your needs.

My husband has asked me to please let him know when I'm having a hard day so that he can at least mentally prepare himself before he comes home.  It is absolutely deflating to him to be all geared up to do something he needs to get done that evening and walk in the door to find out that he has to fold piles of laundry, wash dishes, and help the children clean up whatever messes they made because I am unable to do it.

Also, if you need to accept outside help (volunteered or hired out), don't be too prideful to accept it.  I've had to do this, and I cried (and cried and cried and cried) when the decision was made to get some help.  I felt like such a failure.  But I knew that ultimately for the sanity of my family, I needed help.

“The kids don't help me at all.  They make messes faster than I can clean them up.”
I understand this one too.  Young children don't automatically know how to pick up after themselves.  They have to be taught.  You can't just say “Go clean your room.”  You have to say “Pick up all the dirty clothes.”  “Now put all the race cars in the container.”  And if you don't stay on top of it, things will be a mess all the time.

They need constant supervision.  I try to keep everyone in the same room at all times whenever possible.  It doesn't mean things go perfectly, but I can at least catch my toddler when she's only dumped out half the bag of potato chips instead of the whole thing.  And I can get them swept up before anyone walks all over them and tracks the crumbs throughout the entire house.
Read this article for more help on avoiding children's disasters.

“I never learned how to keep a house clean.”
Then, honey, it's time to learn!  The health of your marriage and the happiness of your family is on the line!  There are multitudes of sites online that will teach you housekeeping basics.  If you don't know where to start, I recommend starting with Flylady's Sink Reflections book.  She has a website too, but it can get very overwhelming very quickly.  If you need something more step-by-step, the book will be a game changer for you.

“He only thinks I don't do any work.  I work hard all day, but at the end of the day it looks like I haven't done a thing.”
Once again, I am going to strongly recommend that you get the Sink Reflections book.

If you want to learn how to work effectively and get things done, it will really help you!

The book is based on a baby-steps philosophy, and I am constantly reminding myself of that when I get discouraged about my progress (or lack thereof.)

I may not have the entire house sparkling, but I can have the one area that I have chosen to focus on done.  And when I look at that area I can see that “I did it!” and it only encourages me to get up and keep trying.

This is also another area where communication with your husband is super important.  He needs to know that though you may not be perfect, you are at least trying.  If he feels that you are not even trying, he is going to feel very unloved.  But when he knows that you are working to learn how to be a better housekeeper and to overcome bad habits, he will be encouraged.

Ask him which area he would most like you to focus on.  Does he like a clean bedroom to relax in at night?  Make your main priority every day to keep it tidied up no matter what.  Do crunchy, crumb-infested floors make him cringe and want to scream?  Make it a habit to sweep the floors every day before he comes home.  The rest of the house may still need some help, but he will notice that the areas which bother him the most are clean.  (Which will encourage you too when you feel like you've been working hard but that all he notices is what you didn't do.)

Finally, be honest with yourself.
The things listed above are all circumstantial and don't have much to do with your character.  But you also need to be willing to admit it when your problem is that you are lazy and undisciplined.  It's very possible that you are dealing with a combination of legitimate obstacles and laziness.

Ask God to show you where you are being lazy and don't realize it.

Are you:

• Browsing Facebook and Pinterest
• Watching TV
• Reading a Book
• Crafting
• Etc.

all while dirty dishes sit piled in the sink?

I'm not saying you should never take time out of your day to rest.  And the work will honestly never be done.

But deep down inside, you know whether what you're doing at the moment is what you ought to be doing.

Make a list of the absolute must-do priorities that you will promise you'll get done before you sit down to relax.  Here are some of the biggest things that make a house look filthy if they're not done and can create great improvement when you do keep them done:

• Dishes washed and kitchen tidied (my personal problem area!)
• Floors swept
• Laundry going
• Beds made
• Clutter put away
• Focus area cleaned (the one that bothers your husband the most)

In conclusion, let me balance all this out by saying that this post isn't meant to browbeat you and make you sink into despair about your failures.

It's not about perfection.

(If it were, I would still be in big trouble!  I'm very much a work in progress!)

No, it's not about perfection; it's about providing hope for your family.  It's about eliminating the stress and strain between husband and wife and helping you create a game plan for being the good homemaker that
you're wanting to be.

That may mean admitting some hard things and making some difficult changes.

But the end result of bringing peace to your home will be worth it!

Need some more help managing your time and getting more done?  Sign up for the free 5 day time management ecourse!

5 Clever Ways to Organize Your Necklaces

I finished up decluttering in my room (I'm working through this book, which is super helpful for people like me who do better when somebody just tells exactly what to do step by step!)

The only thing that is still bugging me in there is that I have several necklaces sitting on top of my dresser because they are too big to fit in my jewelry box.

I figured it was time to start looking for a different solution, so I rounded up some different DIY ideas for organizing necklaces.

If you have the same problem I do, hopefully you'll find something that works for you!

1. Bulletin Board Jewelry Wall

2. Covered Cork Board Necklace Organizer

3. Chicken Wire Necklace Organizer

4. DIY Necklace Organizer

5. Large Necklace Holder

I hope you find one that works for you!

Whipped Peppermint Body Scrub

INGREDIENTS

3/4 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup pink sugar ( 2 drops of pink food gel mixed with 1/4 cup sugar)
5 drops peppermint essential oil or 1 teaspoon peppermint extract
2 drops Vitamin E oil

DIRECTIONS

1. In a ziploc plastic bag, add 1/4 cup sugar and 2 drops of pink food gel. Let all of the air out of the bag and zip it up. Shake and massage the bag with your hands until all of the sugar is mixed and a light shade of pink.

2. In a medium mixing bowl, add the coconut oil 1/2 cup granulated sugar. Beat with mixer until light and fluffy.

3. Add the pink sugar and whip for an additional 20 seconds.

4. Transfer to an airtight container or jar. This soothing whipped scrub can be stored up to 6 months but will likely be used long before that 🙂

5. ENJOY!!

Recommended Ingredient Sources:

Coconut Oil - ORDER HERE

Peppermint Oil - BUY HERE

Vitamin E Oil - BUY HERE​

An Inexpensive Alternative to Norwex®

Do you use Norwex® and love it? Me too!  I love how well I can get things clean without using chemicals!

To be honest, this post doesn't mean I'll be giving up Norwex.  I'll still be purchasing Norwex products when the budget allows.  Stating that there is an alternative doesn't mean I'm totally breaking up with Norwex.

But let me tell you about an alternative that works just as well and doesn't cost quite as much.

Update November 2018: I am noticing that a lot of people are landing on this post because they are searching for an alternative to Norwex detergent. Although I was originally writing this post about the cleaning cloths, I have added some information about a Norwex detergent alternative at the bottom of this post. I hope it's helpful!

A while back I saw a blogger who was a former Norwex consultant talking about how she switched and started using eCloth instead.  I was intrigued and did a little looking into it, but I already had all the Norwex products I needed at the moment so I didn't try out the eCloth.

Until today.

Last time I updated my Grove Collaborative subscription I noticed that they were now selling the General Purpose Cloth from eCloth, so I added one to my order.  It was only $7.99 as opposed to the $16.49 price on the Norwex EnviroCloth.

Today my toddler knocked a whole container of yogurt onto the floor as she was trying to get herself a snack.  (I teach my kids to be independent, but I don't intend for them to be quite that independent when they're still toddlers!)

I grabbed my eCloth and was kind of excited about a great opportunity to really test it out. I love how absorbent my EnviroCloth is and I was curious if the eCloth would do that well too.

Here is the mess before I wiped it up (the cloth is covering up half the pile of yogurt.)

And after one swipe with the eCloth:

After 3 swipes an entire 16 ounce container of yogurt was almost completely wiped up.

And after 4 swipes, the yogurt was completely gone, the sticky was gone from the floor, and I had plenty of clean space left on the cloth to wipe up the splatters that had landed on the cabinet doors.

So here's why I will be using the eCloth, but not giving up Norwex either:

Pros:

1. eCloth is roughly half the price of Norwex
2. eCloth is just as absorbent as Norwex
3. eCloth is proven to remove 99% of bacteria from hard surfaces

Cons:

As far as I know, the eCloth does not boast the antimicrobial silver woven in that the Norwex cloths do.  The silver does not actually remove more bacteria from the surface, but it does help repel bacteria from the cloth as it dries, meaning you can use it over and over again without washing it and it won't get slimy or mildewed or hold germs.  (Obviously you will still wash it sometimes though!) eCloth says that the bacteria rinses right out of the fibers, so I'll be curious over time how well it compares as far as an unwashed cloth and whether it gets slimy or not.

Update: I have not had ANY problems whatsoever with the eCloth getting slimy.  As long as I rinse it out after I  use it, it is not at all slimy.

Both eCloth and Norwex both sell a variety of other products, but the general purpose cloth will be my most used item, so I will stick with eCloth for that because of the big price difference.  I went back and ordered additional eCloths from Grove Collaborative.  I now have one for each room in the house and one for outside jobs.

If you want to try out an eCloth through Grove Collaborative, you can get some lovely free sign-up gifts when you go through this link!

Update November 2018: Norwex Detergent Alternative
I have noticed that a lot of people visiting this post are actually searching for Norwex detergent alternatives. To be honest, I have never used the detergent from Norwex, so I just want you to know that upfront. I am, however, concerned about the purity of the household product I use, and have used natural, non-toxic detergents for a long while. I've tried a number of brands, and the one I like the best for both it's cost and for how happy I am with how it cleans my clothes is BioKleen. It has pure, plant-based ingredients, smells good, and does a good job cleaning my clothes. (Also, for what it's worth, I use it to wash my Norwex cloths and e-Cloths. 🙂 )  As you can tell from the reviews on Amazon, it works well for a whole lot of people!

Some items to note:
1. It IS safe for septic systems
2. It DOES work well with both hot and cold water.
3. It DOES work well to remove stains and odors (You can actually purchase a separate stain and odor remover here that works exceptionally well. One of my favorite household products ever! Basically just think of it like a spray and wash – when you have a bad stain it adds a little extra oomph. It's also very useful for carpet stains, etc.)
4. It's safe for all types of fabric (including your Norwex or eCloths!)
5. It's highly concentrated, meaning you use a very small amount, saving you money.
6. It's non-toxic, using plant-based surfactants and essential oil scents.
7. It comes in both powder or liquid forms, though I personally prefer the liquid.

You can purchase it through Amazon Prime for roughly 17 cents per load. (You get twice as many loads if you have a HE washer, making the cost half as much.)

OR

You can sign up for a Thrive Market membership and purchase it for about 16 cents a load. (Or 8 cents with a HE washer.)

It's a little bit better deal through Thrive Market because you can use a free trial membership. Even if you purchase a yearly membership, I have found that the money I save in a year is substantially more than the cost of a membership. Also, they have a guarantee that if you don't at least save the cost of your membership fee in a year, the will refund you the cost of the membership. Pretty cool, huh?

Order Biokleen from Amazon here.

OR

Get a Thrive Market trial or yearly membership here and search for Biokleen.

3 Ways to Simplify Homemaking When You’re Overwhelmed

So you're overwhelmed, eh?  Join the club.

Life is so crazy and I'm trying hard to slow it down, but honestly there's not a whole lot I can eliminate.

Homeschooling just takes a LOT of time and there's nothing I can do about that. Trying to stay on top of housework besides is about all I can handle. Okay, it's kind of more than I can handle because I DON'T stay on top of it very well.

I'm constantly looking for ways to simplify life and I'm choosing not to feel guilty about any of them.

Here are 3 ways to simplify homemaking when you're overwhelmed:

1. 1. 1. Use paper plates
         Yes. I just said that.  It's not exactly the most “green” thing to do, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.  (I actually came up with a different solution to mealtime dishes that I'm testing with my family.  So far, so good, so watch for an update!)Ok — here's that update I promised! We purchased a set of plastic dishes for the kids. Each child gets one color and those are their dishes. They are responsible for washing their own dishes after meal. We got rid of all the other dishes, which means if their dishes are not clean, they won't have anything with which to eat. This prevents dirty dishes from piling up around the kitchen.  It only takes a minute for each person to do their dishes, and having no other dishes in the house means there are none to get dirty! After many months of using this system I can say it's been a success — not perfect, as sometimes they will leave their dirty dishes until right when they realize it's time for another meal and they have nothing clean — but definitely better than the piles and piles of dirty dishes we used to have. We bought a set of Ikea dishes which come in four different colors. When we added a 5th child who needed dishes, we searched everywhere for an extra color and finally bought a set at Target.

1. Automate your shopping
   Yes, I said automate.
   That means a lot of my shopping gets done without my actually doing it!
   I've been using Grove Collaborative to keep myself stocked up on household supplies and it has taken so much off my mind.  No more do I have to remember what I need at the store or make emergency runs if I forget to pick things up.  When I'm out of laundry detergent, a new bottle appears on my porch almost like magic!  Automating as much of my shopping as possible has freed up so much brain space!(By the way, you can get a free gift set from Grove Collaborative when you sign up through this link.)

    
   A great place to automate shopping for healthy food is Thrive Market. There are so many healthy food options and supplies for special dietary needs. There is a membership fee each year, but I calculated that after just 3 orders, I had already saved well over what the membership fee was. If there is something you order frequently, you can set up a subscription and have it delivered to your house on the schedule you select. Set it and forget it.

    
   You'll still have to go to the grocery store for your fresh foods of course, which is why I love using Real Plans. You can set up the types of meals you like to eat (traditional, keto, gluten free, etc.) and then your healthy food menu is generated for you each week automatically (there's that magic word again!) Not only will your menu be automatically made for you, but your shopping list will too! You don't have to think about what to eat or do any work at all to make your shopping list. How de-overwhelming is that?! (But you can always customize the menu if there's something on it you don't like. Here's my complete review of Real Plans which gives an insider look inside the program.)

 

2. Simplify meal prep
   If you're happy with planning your own meals, one way to streamline your meal prep is to cook one-pot meals or use “dump recipes.” I cook one pot meals a lot because it means I only have one pan to wash!  An even better idea is to use slow cooker “dump recipes”.  You assemble your ingredients into freezer bags and fill your freezer with multiple meals of this type.  In the morning you pull out a freezer bag, dump it in the crockpot and dinner will be ready that evening!  My friend Sharla has written some amazing recipe books full of dump recipes.

    
   Freezer cooking is another fantastic way to eliminate overwhelm in the kitchen. You take one day a month and have a cooking marathon. Everything goes into the freezer, and for the rest of the month — no cooking! How awesome is that?! You'll just pull out your meal and heat it up each night. Once a Month Meals provides freezer cooking plans with all the instructions and shopping lists to help you pull off an organized freezer cooking day.

These three simple things will have a massive impact on freeing up some of your time, leaving you able to keep up with some of your other homemaking duties a little more easily — I know they have helped me not feel so overwhelmed as a homemaker!

Is There Trash In Your Closet?

I started working my way through my friend Elsie's book today.

(This one: )

I'm always trying to declutter and get rid of stuff we don't need, but now that Christmas is over and the house has been filled with lots of new things that were given to us as gifts, it's time to do a major purge.

(You can join me in the Homemaking Challenges group on Facebook if you'd like!)

So the first section in the book is the bedroom, and the first thing in there is the closet.

I started in on it, but I only got through my skirts and dresses before I needed to shut things down for the day.

I started by taking everything out and putting it into piles of things I truly love, things that are “okay”, things I definitely want to get rid of, and things I need to mend.

Then I put back in all the things that I love.

Since I had plenty of things that I love I went ahead and got rid of all the things that were only “okay”.

I had a pile of things I had to deal with – things to take to the thrift store, things to give away to others I know could use them, things to mend, things that had stains but that I wanted to try and salvage.

But, take a look.  There is a trash bag there.  Some of my clothes went into the trash.

I don't consider myself a pack rat.  I try really hard to get rid of stuff right away.  But I still had things hanging in there that I didn't even realize were stained beyond repair because it had been so long since I wore them.

(And some things sat in there and yellowed.  What's with that?)

How long has it been since you cleaned out your closet?  I mean since you really gave it a good, ruthless overhaul?

-No saving things because you paid good money for them but you don't really care for them.
-No saving things because you hope to fit into them again someday.
-No saving things because they're sentimental or were one of your favorites but they don't fit anymore or they're stained and ruined.

Leave me a comment and tell me if there's any trash in your closet!

(And if you'd like a copy of the book I'm working through, you can grab one right here.)