Why I’m Okay With a Messy House

Let me fill you in on a dirty little secret.

My house stays a mess.

Like a really big mess.

Like if you come over unannounced I'll be really embarrassed mess.

But here's why I'm okay with my messy house:

1. I have a messy personality.

I'm not saying that personality is an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined.  And I'm not saying it's a reason not to try to be more organized either.

But as long as I'm trying my best — working at keeping the mess cleaned up, learning better ways to keep things clean, and just generally giving it my best effort, then at the end of the day I have nothing to be ashamed of.  Stressing over it and wishing things are different isn't going to change the fact that being organized isn't my strong point.  (Ahem.  I just smelled something strange and found a pot of rice burning on the stove that I'd completely forgotten about!  But hey, at least I was trying to make dinner for my family right?  There's no guilt in that!)

2. The mess means we live here.

The dishes mean I've been cooking up something for my family to eat.  The craft supplies laying out mean the kids have been ultra-creative today.  (We're still working on teaching them to clean up after themselves!)  The shreds of ripped-up tissues (unused!) mean I have a curious little baby who gets into everything, and that's okay!  She's developing into a healthy, active little girl.  There's so much loud, lively chaos going on at all times of the day (and sometimes night!) that I cannot stay on top of it all.  I'm just so thankful for this family God has given me!

3.  I'm investing my time in teaching the kids how to clean.

I'm honestly trying to focus more of my time on teaching the kids how to clean than I am actually doing the cleaning.  I'm hopeful that the time investment will pay off in the long run, and I think it will.  When my 3 year old wants to help unload the dishwasher, I let him help me, even though it takes 5 times as long.  When my 5 year old wants to learn how to put the dirty dishes in, I teach her how, even though it is a slow process (and even though previously mentioned baby is destroying who-knows-what while we do it.)  Am I the only one who can't stand the dishwasher to be loaded the “wrong” way??

But guess who knows how to unload the dishwasher all by himself now?  Or sweep the floor?  Or take out the trash?  Yes – my oldest who started slowing me down as soon as he started walking.  But since I've taken the time to teach him these things, he can now do them – and do them properly – without any help.  His younger siblings are not too far behind, although that doesn't necessarily mean they comply when asked to do a chore.

Which brings me to my final, and most important point…

4. I'm focusing my time on the eternal as opposed to the temporary.

As I've already mentioned, I am not the most organized person in the world.  While some mothers are able to manage to keep their houses clean while also finding the necessary time to train their children in the things of the Lord, I – to put it simply – am not.

I've been told that my children are unusually willful.  Whether or not that is true, I don't know, but I do know that their training has been immeasurably more difficult than I ever could have imagined.

Hours upon hours have been spent behind closed doors instructing my children in the way of righteousness.  Sometimes I wonder if they're deaf.  There are many — no, I honestly think most – days where the only thing I manage to get done is to go in and out of the bedroom correcting, teaching, and praying over children, many times disciplining for the same offense over and over and over again.  (I'm told their father was rather hard-headed as a child.  I'd sure be grateful if they turn out like him, but in the meantime, well – it's just flat out difficult.)

I'm unwilling to give up the fight.  If I lose my children, I've lost everything.  And if that means I have to give up a clean house to teach them that a life surrendered to the Lord is the only life worth living, it's a price I'm willing to pay.

I used to feel very guilty and stressed out about the constant mess (and I still do sometimes.)  But for the most part, I've found joy in this place.  The place of knowing that I'm fulfilling my most important calling as a mother.  The calling to raise up a generation of people who love the Lord with all their heart.

Do I need to work hard to try to do both (keep things clean and spend time training my children)?  Absolutely.

But if it comes down to one or the other, I'm choosing to be okay with a messy house.

(See also:  Letting Go of Homemaker's Guilt)

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

Do you make New Year's Resolutions?  Do you ever actually keep them?

I enjoy making goals at the beginning of each new year.  They really help me focus my time on what's most important.

But it's very easy to make resolutions that you'll never keep if you're not careful.  Here are some tips to help you create goals that you can actually reach!

1. Be specific.

New Year's Resolutions are often nebulous ideas like “lose weight”, “exercise”, “eat more healthy”, “be a better wife, mom, friend, etc.”

How can you stick to something that's not even clear?  A better idea would be to create a goal to lose     x     pounds this year or to eat one salad every day.  Make a goal to write a love note to your husband or bake his favorite treat once a week.  Make it your goal to spend 15 minutes of one-on-one time with each of your children every day.

2. Don't wait to start.

If you shouldn't be eating junk food on Jan. 1, you shouldn't be eating junk food on December 31st either.  If you should be exercising on January 1, you should be exercising Dec. 31st too.  Whatever it is that you know you should be doing — you should start right now!  If you're not going to discipline yourself to start now, you're not going to discipline yourself to keep at it either.  Developing good habits is a daily choice you have to make, and if you're not willing to make that choice today, you're definitely not willing to make it for a whole year.

3.  Break your goals down.

If you make a goal to spend more one-on-one time with your kids, figure out how and when you are going to do that.  You can't keep a commitment if you don't have a plan for actually seeing it through!

4. Re-evaluate Periodically

Go through next year's calendar and pencil in dates with yourself to do this (once a month is good) so that you don't forget!  Have your good intentions of writing a love note to your husband turned into reality?  If not, why?  What do you need to change so that you actually accomplish your goal?  Is your goal something you need to cross off your list altogether?

5. Get an accountability partner

Give your spouse, friend, blog readers(?) a list of your goals so they can check up on you periodically.  If you've determined to only eat one dessert a month, your hubby can hold you to it when he sees you sneaking treats out of the freezer or pantry. 🙂

(Speaking of accountability partners — this is totally random, but I just remembered because of the terminology.  If you sign up for Covenant Eyes before December 31, you'll get 2 months free.  Our family uses and loves Covenant Eyes for protecting ourselves and our children from internet pornography.  It's a price we're more than willing to pay.  If you'd like to give it a try, sign up here and use the coupon ONLINESAFETY to get the 2 free months.)

What other tips do you have for keeping your New Year's Resolutions?

A Letter to the Child I Never Knew

Dear Little One,

It was eight years ago today that I first learned of your existence.

It was the first Christmas your dad and I were spending as a married couple, and I was miserable.  We were visiting relatives on his side of the family, aunts and uncles that I didn't know.  I had a horrible head cold and wasn't feeling well.  We had just finished a Christmas service at the church your dad's relatives attended and we decided to stop at the drugstore on our way back to the house and grab something for my sinuses.

As I read the instructions on the box, I joked to your dad, “It says ‘Do not take if pregnant.'  I hope it's okay to take this!”

I had no idea I was pregnant.  My periods were always irregular and sometimes I would skip a month, so I never even tried to keep track of whether I'd missed or not.

When we got back to the house, I started having severe abdominal cramps.  “Oh great.  I'm already miserable with this cold and now I'm going to start my period too!”

The cramps got worse and worse.  This was the worst cramping I'd felt in a long time.  And it felt a little different than usual too.

I got up to go to the bathroom, hoping to relieve some of the pressure.

I'd been in there quite a while with no relief when suddenly I felt something pop and I passed what felt like a huge clot of blood.  But I immediately knew something unusual was going on.  I stood up and looked into the toilet and I could see a mass of…something.  I wasn't quite sure what.

I had to get down really close and look very carefully, but I could make out what seemed to be arms…or legs…or…something.  Could it be?

I left  the toilet unflushed and went to get your dad.  He has better eyes than I do.

“I…think that's what we're seeing.”  Neither of us actually said the word “baby”.

We were in disbelief at what we saw.

But we had to agree that's what it had to be.

I don't know whether I flushed the toilet or your dad, but I still feel guilty about it every time I think about it.  We just didn't know what else to do with a big mass of urine, blood, toilet paper, and…a baby.  I'm forcing myself to write those words.  I need to.

I couldn't bring myself to use that bathroom for the rest of our visit.  I felt like I was desecrating your precious body by using the bathroom in that toilet.

I cried, but not tears of grief.  I cried because that is what a mother who has lost a child is supposed to do.

I hadn't learned to love you yet because I didn't even know of your existence yet until that moment.

I felt completely numb.  In shock.

I also felt guilty.  Guilty for taking the medicine.  Guilty for flushing you down the toilet.

When we got back home from our visit, I took a pregnancy test which confirmed that there were in fact pregnancy hormones running around in my body.  You hadn't been part of our imagination.  You were real.

All these years I've kept pretty quiet about your existence.  I've had a hard time acknowledging that you did in fact exist.  The whole experience of learning of your existence, meeting you, and losing you all in one short moment left me feeling so very strange.

I never knew you.

But you are real.  You are a living soul that I will one day meet in heaven.

I am your mother.  You are my child.

And today I simply want to acknowledge that.

I no longer want to dismiss the value of your life simply because your birth and death were so far out of the norm.

And I hope that by writing this I can encourage other mamas who may have shared a similar experience that it's okay to acknowledge their babies.  They don't have to keep quiet about it.  I'd tell the world all about any of your siblings.  Why should I be ashamed to talk about you too?  Your life is every bit as valuable as theirs.  And some day we're going to get to know one another.

Until then, I'm so glad you have a heavenly Father who loves you far more than your earthly mother and father ever could.  One day I will thank him for your life.

Love,

Mommy

P.S.  Today I cried.  Really cried.  Not because that's what someone who loses a baby is supposed to do.  I cried because I love you.

Best Homemaking Posts of 2014

I have collaborated with some of my fellow bloggers at Alternative Living Network to bring you the best Homemaking Posts of 2014.

(Including links here does not necessarily mean I endorse all the content from every blog listed.  As you should always do, please read with discretion.)

If you need some inspiration and tips for homemaking, this list will keep you busy for a good while!

Healthy Meal Planning and Cooking

How to be a “Real Food” Eater Without Letting it Rule Your Life

Healthy Eating 101 – Where Do I Start?

How to Convert Recipes to “Real Food” Recipes

Healthy Food You Can Buy at Aldi

Freezer Cooking 101 – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

How to do Meal Planning and Freezer Cooking

Meal Plan with Printable Calendar

How to Take a Freezer Inventory

Stocking the Real Food Pantry, Fridge, and Freezer

Food is not a Moral Issue

How to Meal Plan When You Don't Have Time

Practical Ways to Practice Real Food Hospitality

5 Recommended Real Food Cookbooks

Choosing and Brewing Perfect Tea Every Time

Time Management

The Time Management System that Changed My Life

Creating Morning and Evening Routines

Getting It All Done When You Don't Feel Well

Finding Time For Yourself

Goal Setting

Creating a Control Journal

Tools for Homemaking Productivity

Cleaning

Spring Cleaning Game Plan and Checklist

Natural Spring Cleaning Supplies

How to Do Laundry for 8 People in One Day

Green Living

How to Replace Paper Towels with Cloth

How to Switch from Disposable to Reusable

Real Life Inspiration

Country Cabin Photo Tour

Tiny Kitchen Organization

Inspiration & Faith

Letting Go of Homemaker's Guilt

One Simple Word That Could Change Your Home

What I've Learned About Homemaking From the Older Generation

To the Mama Who Feels Like a Failure

Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid of the Proverbs 31 Woman

Teaching Kids to be Grateful for Gifts

Teaching kids to be grateful for gifts can be a challenge sometimes!

Giving gifts to our children for Christmas or birthdays is a ton of fun  — until you start hearing things like “I don't want this!” or seeing one gift hurriedly tossed aside while they ask “What else do I get?”

As much as we try to teach our children to be grateful for what they get, there is definitely a learning curve and they don't always get it the first time around!  So if you're doing these things and they're still acting like spoiled brats, don't be discouraged.  Keep at it, and gratefulness will begin to form into their character where they exhibit it on their own.  Their heart attitude — not conformity — is the goal, and that takes time.

Below are some things we have done with our children around Christmas or birthday time to help them learn to be thankful for what they receive.  All of these require learning to place others before themselves.

Disappointing gift?  If they've learned to put others first, they can refrain from making rude comments that would hurt the giver's feelings.

Expecting more presents?  Learning to put others first means they learn to put their focus on what they can give to someone else instead of what others can give to them.

1. Prepare them ahead of time.

I hate it when we go to a family gathering and I realize I haven't talked to my children ahead of time to remind them to say thank you when someone gives them a gift and to keep the “I don't like this!” comments inside their head.  I try to remember to talk to them before gift opening time so they can be prepared to respond appropriately when given a gift.

2. Have them say thank you.

Even if you forgot to remind them ahead of time, make sure your children say thank you for every single gift they receive.  Stay nearby while they are opening gifts so you can make sure this happens.

3. Have them write a thank you note.

Besides saying thank you verbally, have your children write a thank you note after the fact.  For very young children, you can write the thank-you note for them and have them sign their own name.  The note should include some reason they like their gift, and if they honestly don't like it, help them think of a way to express gratefulness anyway.  (“I'm so glad you were thinking of me!” or something similar.)

4. Do not allow complaining.

If you ever hear the “I don't like this!” comments coming from your child, deal with it immediately.  Pull your child aside and remind them that gratefulness is a choice.  Encourage them to focus on the positive.  (“Maybe that gift from Aunt Sally was disappointing, but let's think of something for which to be thankful.  You have a lot of people in this room who love you very much.  Things will wear out or you'll get tired of them, but a family who loves you is priceless.”)

5. Focus on giving; not getting.

At Christmas, keep the focus on what they can give to others; not on what they're going to get.  When they've carefully thought of others, the excitement shifts from opening their own presents to watching others open theirs.

6. Open presents slowly, savoring each one.

Rather than allowing a free-for-all, paper-ripping frenzy, have your children open gifts one at a time.  This keeps things quiet enough where they can say thank you for each gift and to pay attention to it long enough to be glad for it even if that's the only thing they get.

7. Don't make the presents the main thing.

Make the fun of Christmas or birthdays be the other activities that bring your family together.  The presents are just a bonus!

8. Address displays of ungratefulness and praise good efforts toward being grateful.

After the presents have all been unwrapped and the celebration is over, sit down with your child and have them think about their behavior.  “You told Aunt Sally thank you for the sweater she got you, but you threw it to the side and busted into another gift before you'd really even looked at it.  Do you think that was really being thankful?” or “I know you were disappointed that you didn't get the gift you were hoping to, but you still chose to be thankful for what you got.  Good job!”

When you do these things year after year, your children will come to understand that they need to be grateful for every gift they receive.  It's okay to be disappointed if something isn't exactly what you want, but you can still make a deliberate choice to be grateful for it anyway.  It's not about pretending; it's about truly recognizing all the good things we do have.  If someone gets you something really nice — fabulous!  If someone gets you something not-so-nice — it's okay!  You can still be polite and say thank you, recognizing that they gave you a gift because they love you.

Let's train up a generation of less entitled kids and more grateful kids!

Last Minute Gift Idea for Mom or Grandma

Need a last minute gift for mom or grandma?  Here is one that she will love!

Personalize, print, and frame!  So easy, but so meaningful!

To make your own, just right-click and save the image below.  Then use a photo editing program to insert the names of your family members.  (Picmonkey is free if you don't have your own program.)